Clear As Haze
by TrixAreForSquids
Summary: "Am I good at this?" she asked, feigning innocence. "Mmm, don't worry babe. You're great," her words had barely finished forming as her smile met Beca's lips.
1. Shots and Secrets

They passed parked cars and trees that cast long shadows that doubled their length on the pavement. The streetlights dipped with drunk steps and the sidewalk had so much unkempt grass overgrown on either side that there was barely enough room for two people to walk side by side without touching. The group filed into a line "ducks in a row" style, two by two. Beca and Chloe took up the back.

"I feel like anything could happen tonight."

"That's how you should feel every night. Good," Chloe said, smiling at the warmth the alcohol had fueled and at the invincibility she was beginning to feel.

"I feel like we could take the night."

"THE NIGHT IS OURS" Chloe shouted to the sky, throwing her hands up, in a half spin until she was facing Beca. She dropped her arms when Beca giggled at her to shut up, you'll wake up the people sleeping in the houses. After all, not everyone in this neighborhood was a college student, so it was pretty unfortunate that adults had to put up with rowdy drunk students screaming in the streets every weekend.

"I feel bad. Oops. But I haven't felt like this in a while either.

Beca smirked mischievously, but said nothing.

"Hell yeah, I'm ready for tonight to get WEIRD," Chloe said, pumping a fist confidentally.

"Weird? I've gotten pretty weird before."

"Reallllly? You? You seem so docile. What's the craziest thing you've ever done?"

"Well, I ate out my best friend once. But only because she had never had that done before."

"Wha- whoa. Okay. Definitely not gonna get _that_ weird tonight." Chloe couldn't lie at the stupid little flutter she felt low in her stomach.

Somehow Beca had taken a step closer without her noticing.

"Yeah? I've still done some pretty weird shit though!"

"You? What? You seem so nice… And good. I bet it's not even bad," Beca winked at her. Oh, that classic wink, it threw her for a curveball every time.

"Oh really? Well just so you know, I've made out with a girl once. At a rave."

"Are you serious? Wow, maybe I was wrong about you."

"Y'know, it wasn't bad. It was kind of fun...I wouldn't be opposed to doing it again actually."

They had been barely shuffling along but were falling behind the group. They slowed to a stop in a shadow, the streetlights framing Beca when Chloe looked down to her.

"You… wouldn't want to do that again would you?" Beca looked up to her, her face not giving anything away.

"Do you want to make out?"

Beca chuckled and her smirk returned. "Yes." Her eyes twinkled as she pulled Chloe in with one finger under her chin, her left hand on her shoulder. Chloe cupped her jaw and tilted her head. The kiss moved quickly, eagerly open-mouthed, which was initiated surprisingly by Beca. Her tongue was resting on her own bottom lip, bridging the distance to the other girl's bottom lip, before meeting Chloe's tongue which was more than ready to receive it. It was a tango and the older girl's eyes were heavy as her body begged to sink into the feel of Beca.

But Beca paused and pulled back a second with Chloe's hand still on her jaw. "Am I good at this?" she asked, feigning innocence.

"Mmm, don't worry babe. You're great," her words had barely finished forming as her smile met Beca's lips. She deepened the kiss again, wanting more, tipping her head the other way. She pulled the shorter woman's waist closer so they were standing flush together, and she tried not to moan at the pleasure she was feeling. Beca's other hand found the curve of her neck, her thumb caressing the skin over her pulse point -her turn on spot- and the warmth of her skin was more than welcome.

Eyes still closed, she interrupted them again after only a minute. "We should catch up, we'll lose them."

Chloe knew it was true, damn it all. She pulled Beca's face in one last time, both hands on her cheeks, three more seconds of bliss. But she obliged and the pair ran to catch up.

"Where did you guys go?" Stacie asked with suspicion flashing in her eyes between the girls.

"Oh I had to… Tie her shoe." Chloe blurted. Wow, you couldn't have said you tied your own shoe at least?

"...Right."

"She was too drunk to tie it herself!" Chloe ducked her head to the side to hide her blush which likely would have been apparent, even in the low light. The other members of the group didn't seem to notice, but Stacie looked between the two with an element of distrust still in her eyes.

"Well, whatever. We're close to the house now, so let's just get our shit together." The pack surged onward, Chloe deciding to take the lead, emboldened by the events of the previous few minutes. She was experiencing a full-body blush that wasn't fading (despite her faded state). She had no idea whose house they were going to, but truthfully didn't care. She couldn't think of anything else but Beca's lips. She turned around occasionally and found Beca's eyes in between the shoulders of her other friends, between their bodies she could get a glimpse of her mouth, her face in a flash framed by the other people. Her smile was challenging, daring her to fall back again, to join her in taking up the back of the crowd again… perhaps for another chance at mysteriously falling behind.

Chloe stepped harshly off the curb, lost in Beca-charged thoughts, not noticing that Stacie had led the group to take a left. She corrected Chloe's direction. Beca smirked because her mind could be read easily through her actions, and she sheepishly allowed herself to be led onto the yellow-grass lawn of a bass-pumping house. Drunk kids stood around the porch with red Solo cups and the din of the party could be heard from within.

Chloe was a social butterfly and loved to meet new people. "A new friend is just a handshake away," she often said. The thought of meeting so many new friends excited her buzzed brain, and she literally jumped up and down before advancing forward to enter the house. What she failed to see was the slick mud near the steps and the next hop took her heel out from under her, a long leg shooting forward while her other knee was jammed into the ground. Embarrassed for the second time in less than sixty seconds, she sprung up off the ground, declining the help of the frat boy who stood nearest to her. Damn it, she had ruined her new white shoes already. She quickly scraped the mud off her knee with the heel of one hand before catching up with her crew who had already gone inside, feeling lucky that Beca hadn't witnessed her idiocy.

Her little incident was immediately forgotten the moment she passed through the cracked-paint doorway. The house was filled with coeds ecstatic over the basketball team's big win tonight and no one was immune from the celebratory mood. A Corona was immediately thrust into her hand as she was loudly greeted by friends and acquaintances. The yellow lighting made her vision even fuzzier, and since she had already pregamed five shots of vodka with the girls before arriving. When she scoped the house for more friends to chat with, she found Stacie in the kitchen with a fifth of Raspberry Smirnoff. They took pulls straight from the bottle and continued to wander their loop through the party, ascending into a drunken euphoria.

The party was in full swing with rowdy games of beer pong occasionally overpowering the trap music mix playing in the background. Thirty or so minutes later and in between conversations, Chloe looked down and was shocked to find a bloody patch there. _Oh that's right_ , she had slipped a while ago. For some reason, she found this hilarious.

"Look guys! I'm bleeding and I can't even feel it!" She shouted to Lilly and Denise. Their drunken smiles turned to shock when they saw her leg.

"Chloe! Are you crazy?" Denise shouted.

"I can call my vampire friend if you want, I'm sure he'd be happy to help," Lilly said in a small voice.

They narrowed their eyes at her, trying to decide if Lilly had really just said that. Just then, Stacie swaggered up.

"Whaddup bitches," she said casually, eyes shifting around the scene.

"Look Stace! I'm invincible!" Chloe shouted, pointing to her bloody knee."

"Chloe what the fuck! What did you do?!"

She giggled. "Heeheehee, I fell outside. I didn't mean to but I was just so damn excited to meet new friends!"

"These people aren't your friends. Let's get you fixed up."

She took the other girl into the bathroom, searching for peroxide and a bandage. Not many people knew that Stacie had a maternal side like this, but she was always holding the show together behind the scenes.

"You're such a great friend. I love you so much!" Chloe reached to pull her into a hug.

"Love ya too, drunkie. But stop trying to hug me, I need to find something for you so that you don't get an infection."

"I'm pretty sure that you could just pour some of the Smirnoff on me, that would do just fine," Chloe laughed uncontrollably at her own joke.

"Jeez. What's gotten into you tonight?"

The smile disappeared from her face as the Band-Aid was smoothed over the gash. A lot had happened tonight already, actually. She got the feeling that Stacie knew more than she was letting on, given away by the fact that her leggy friend wouldn't meet her eyes. She thanked her quickly and went back to dancing in the front room with the girls.

An hour or so later, no one was really keeping time anymore, and Chloe's awareness and memory was more than spotty. She had taken tons of group Snapchat selfies, danced, wandered a few laps around the house, and still the night showed no signs of slowing down. But she wanted more. And her inhibitions were nowhere to be found.

So she wandered outside where the air was clear. Luke, Stacie, Cynthia Rose, and a few other guys were sprawled out on the couches on the patio. Chloe slid into the space next to CR.

"How are you doing, girl?"

"This party is great, so I'm pretty great."

"True that, homie. True that. What time is it?"

"It's almost midnight. The night is young, my friend!"

"Haha. You're always willing to party, aren't you Red?"

"You bet your ass I am!"

"Man, tomorrow's gonna suck."

Didn't she know it. "Nope! Don't mention that while we still have tonight."

Just then, a short haired Hispanic boy walked onto the deck, followed by Beca. "Is there a Chloe B. out here?"

The redhead's eyes shot to him. "Yeah that's me! How come?" she chirped.

" _That's_ who Chloe is?" The boy asked, jerking his thumb towards her as he looked down the bridge of his bespectacled nose. She looked between Beca and the boy, as more people turned their attention to him.

"So _you're_ the one that kissed Beca earlier tonight?"

The rest of the conversation on the porch ceased completely. This would have been an impossible feat even if the world ended, but of course they all keyed in to the juicy accusation. All eyes were on her.

"Wait what the fuck, Chloe?" Stacie blurted out, breaking the silence. Chloe broke her stare with the boy and her eyes darted. To Stacie. To Cynthia Rose. To anyone who could help save her.

"Well... Yupp. That was me Idon'tgiveafuck" she blurted back, punctuated with a forced laugh that would have been a sob if she let any other sound escape.

"Damn, girl," was all Cynthia Rose could say.

The porch people laughed with her, seeing that there wasn't going to be some type of catfight or extension to the awkward confrontation. Chloe looked past the boy and to Beca, who was looking at her feet deliberately not meeting her eyes. Chloe smiled to the other to try to illustrate her carelessness about it all, but inside she had collapsed. Already people had found out what happened? She hadn't even deciphered the encounter herself, but strangers knew about it now? In addition to her friends? This was spiraling to a worst-case scenario, one that sobered her up. Chloe hid behind her phone, pretending to watch Snapchats while her mind raced.

"Did that really happen tonight, Chloe?" Cynthia Rose asked, leaning towards her. Her voice was lowered politely.

"Oh. Um, yeah. Before we got here."

"Wow. I had no idea that you had that type of crazy in you," she said with raised eyebrows, expecting more juicy details.

"It's no big deal, really," she said casually, putting every ounce of effort she had into keeping her voice from shaking. She stood up abruptly and reentered the house, taking the last two pulls of Smirnoff in the bottle before ambling over to the beer pong table.

Even drunk, it was the most impressive setup she had ever seen. The surface of the table gave way to six inches of transparent glass, like a giant box on legs. Inside the table were rows and rows of alcohol cans and bottles in the shape of an American flag with strands of LED lights lining the edges of each row. The centerpiece in the table was a street sign reading Shinto Avenue. At least she knew where she was now.

Chloe called the next game before staggering to one end of the table, failing to notice that Beca was one of the players in the current game. Her partner was quite cute but she felt a surge of jealousy at seeing the two together. So, against her flimsy better judgment, she sidled up to him and introduced herself. It was a douchey move, but after the scene Beca had caused on the porch, it didn't matter. The notions of betrayal would be set even with this. They had kissed and Beca had ruined the privacy of the memory, and it couldn't be undone.

These were the thoughts that spurred her on to flirt with the beer pong boy. She kissed the ball before his shot, getting his attention. Brushed up against him in just the right way when the bass dropped. Pretty soon she had taken Beca's spot in the game, and the small brunette tried to push her way back in. But the boy had lost interest in her, solidified when Chloe nuzzled his neck. He kissed her in front of Beca and the opposing team. Chloe felt her eyes on them, but kept going anyway.

"Do you want to go upstairs? he whispered huskily into her ear.

Fuck it. She was drunk, she needed to stop thinking about Beca, and it couldn't hurt to get laid. So when he offered his hand, she took it. He guided her up the stairs, her staggering not slowing him down, and they tried the handles of the bedrooms. They were all locked and already occupied.

"So much for keeping people out of my room tonight, we can't even fucking use it" he muttered.

"You live here?"

He confirmed this with frustration in the vein on his forehead. He finally pushed on a door that gave way, immediately pushing her against the closed door and the dialogue disappeared. It was dark. He kissed her hungrily, not hesitating to push his tongue into her mouth. She responded just as roughly, pushing back and tugging on his black hair, her other hand scratching the back of his neck. He growled into the kiss, sloppily making his way down her neck as he shed the girl of her leather jacket.

She flipped them so that he was against the door, his hands fumbling their way down her slender body. She separated her legs so that one of his was between hers, grinding into him. Telling him that she wanted more with the action. His hands were at her hips now, pressing her body harder into him, both of them relishing in the friction. They continued this way for a few short minutes of heated and handsy making out, both wanting dominance but neither obliging. He eased her backwards onto the tile floor, his knee still between her legs as he mounted her. The tile was cold and shocked some sobriety into her. Flickers of the night played through her mind, even though she tried to push them out. Dancing in the front room, running through the dorm hallway, the way Beca's eyes looked in the lowlighting of the streetlamps. How much better the kiss with her had been than with this guy now.

The ginger grew feistier at the thought, working her hands under his shirt, bringing his body closer. He apparently liked it, because his tan hand moved to the inside of her thigh. He pushed her dark skirt up around her waist. Butterflies erupted in her stomach. He kept kissing her as his fingers slipped under the thin lace of her thong, stroking her folds quickly before plunging two fingers in without warning. Her back arched off the floor as she gasped, simultaneously squeezing her eyes shut. He pumped into her ruthlessly, kissing her faster now as she rode his fingers.

She moaned and he kissed her neck, growling again.

"Don't… leave… a hickey," she breathed out to him. He made no move of obedience, so she jerked her neck away. His fingers still pumped away without variation, and she was beginning to feel sore. He was also neglecting to involve her clit, which made things far less fun for her. So she flipped him so that he was on his back, hovering over him on all fours. After removing his shirt, Chloe trailed one hand down his body and could see him grit his teeth in the light that filtered in from the crack under the door when she neared his waistband. She wasted no time in moving her hand underneath the fabric of his clothing before engaging in the task at hand. He groped for her breasts in the dark, anchoring himself.

"Yeah, that's right. That's right," he whispered.

"Mmm. Right there, bitch, _mmmm."_

She chose not to respond. She hated dirty talk, especially because it only ever ruined the moment. And besides, it was often insulting. Bitch. Had he really said that?

But she ignored it, continuing her ministrations. He kept up the talking, and she tried to block out his annoying audio. Her mind drifted again to who she'd rather fool around with. Ryan Gosling. That guy on the basketball team. Beca. Wait, what the fuck was she thinking about her for? She mentally reprimanded herself, feeling guilty that her mind had lumped the girl into the "would smash" category.

She was grounded again by this boy's lips on hers, his unskilled tongue writhing in her mouth. Her hand slowed, turned off now as he came, and he tried to push her on top of him again. But she was already pulling her bra back on, shaking her skirt back into place. She pulled her hand away and his hand on her wrist stopped her.

"Where are you going? We're not done yet."

"No. We're done here." She picked up her jacket off the floor. What more did he want? He already came anyway, did he expect a cuddle on the bathroom floor? He sat up from the floor and flicked the light on, zipping up his pants. In the harsh light, he looked small. Defeated. Confused.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No. Don't worry about it." She forced a shallow smile and turned to go. But she was stopped again when he called out to her. "Hey."

She turned and he was holding out her student ID, which had fallen out of her pocket during the encounter. She took it from his outstretched hand, looking down at him and seeing the pain of her sudden rejection in his eyes. She looked back, studying him. She could tell that he knew his mistake with the dirty talk, and with that look she knew he'd never do it again.

She swiftly descended the stairs, thinking how he'd never know the abrupt end wasn't solely his fault. That there was a vision of someone else in her mind, replaying over and over again and tonight just wasn't the time or place for him. Chloe never even got his name.

The party had pretty much emptied out, the music now at a lower volume, the pong table without any players but abundant with sad-looking Solo cups on their sides. She found Stacie and Cynthia Rose, thankfully they hadn't left without her even though the rest of the crew was nowhere to be found. Fortunately/unfortunately Beca was still there, turning towards her as she entered the patio.

Chloe felt numb. She had succeeded in getting so drunk that she no longer could comprehend her emotions, and now she was drifting like a ship without a rudder. But it was better than trying to sort out the events of the night. Stacie was on the confrontation boy's lap, exchanging phone numbers. The boys and Beca smoked while the girls talked, and the smell made Chloe nauseous. She had a weak stomach but throwing up here was absolutely not an option. She especially didn't want to draw any more attention than she already had tonight.

Eventually the girls rose to leave and the redhead wobbled up with them. Everyone was exhausted now and Chloe wanted to collapse in her bed, but they had damn near a mile to walk back to the dorms. They passed under the same streetlights as they had earlier, but this time the streets were quiet and empty. The group didn't talk much, feeling the weight of the two o'clock hour on their shoulders. When they got to the main road, the cars were few and far between. The bar was closed, and it's lifeless property made the world seem empty. She noticed that Beca had slowed and fallen to the back with her again, but she wasn't about to acknowledge it.

Then Beca stopped altogether. She was digging through her purse and Chloe inexplicably stopped with her, urging her feet forward. They obeyed after a beat too long, too long because the smaller girl grabbed Chloe's wrist, much gentler than the boy had earlier. She said nothing, but kept her tiny hand on the taller girl's arm, making her heart race. They were now facing each other, and Beca's face was tilted up to Chloe's. Had it been earlier, Chloe would have swooped in. A part of her still wanted to, but the stubborn (and sane?) part denied herself the action. Beca would have to initiate whatever it was she wanted this time, she wasn't going to be that easy.

Beca's eyes burned into her face. Beca slowly hooked her finger under her chin, drawing her face down before finally connecting their lips. It was slower this time, the passion still present, but not rushed. Chloe's eyes were cemented shut as her mind went blank of all thoughts beside kissing this girl, who gently guided her back against the outside wall of the bar. Beca's small body felt warm against Chloe's, and even the numbness of her feelings was being melted. She drew Beca closer by wrapping one arm around her shoulders- it wasn't a sexy move, but she wanted more contact. She felt a hand on her hip as she was leaned back further into the wall, and then her lips and upper body went cold. She opened her eyes to see Beca studying her solemnly, her hand still warm on hip. She said nothing as she headed in the direction that the rest of the group was in, leaving Chloe against the wall.

What had just happened?

 **I know I just finished A Guiding Light like two days ago, but I couldn't resist diving right in to another multi-chapter fic! Stay tuned, friends! xo**


	2. Don't Throw Up On Aubrey's Bed

**Hello, loyal readers! To clear up potential confusion, this chapter starts with how Beca and Chloe met the night of the party, so the first half of the chapter takes place before chapter one, essentially. The second half resumes the normal time, the next day after it all. Enjoy!**

 **Rewinded**

Everyone has someone who makes their soul hurt. Someone who will never truly leave their mind, even if they're not the dominant subject, they're ghosting the hallways of thought. Someone who they can barely admit to loving, someone who makes them grind their teeth with want. For Chloe Beale, that person was unassuming and by the name of Beca Mitchell.

The first time that they met, it was fairly unassuming. It was a Saturday night and campus was alight with shenanigans, and her dorm building was no exception. It had a reputation for being the party dorm, and students flocked to it on the weekend. Drunk kids were running up and down the hallway like always, but Chloe was still busy getting ready before a night of parties in the neighborhood. She was currently shoeless in her sheer tights and putting her earrings in on her way to Ashley and Jessica's room two doors down to ask what drinks they wanted to pregame with.

There was no possible way that she could have known how crucial the next few seconds would be.

A girl bumped into her with force, knocking the wind out of her lungs as a shoulder slammed into her solar plexus. Annoyed but choosing not to show it, since she realized this girl didn't live in her hall, she pulled back and caught her breath. The girl, much shorter than herself, looked up at her with a frown. She looked like a thundercloud barely holding back a lightning bolt, and despite her bitesized form she was rather intimidating. Chloe's mouth closed as she swallowed her apology as the shorter girl studied her before shouting out "Where's Conrad's room?"

"Conrad? We don't have a Conrad in our hall."

"Yes, you do. Which door?"

"Um, I've lived with these girls all year. There's no one named Conrad here. Are you even in the right hall?"

"Ugh. Fine. Stacie is what you guys call her. Stacie _Conrad_. For those of us who have known her for _years_ , we call her Conrad."

"Oh. Yeah, duh Stacie! Why didn't you just say so? She's just around the corner, third door on the right past the bathroom."

The girl didn't thank her, just gave her two more seconds of the frown before nodding and leaving quickly in the direction of Stacie's room. Chloe didn't think much of it, just entered the room she was headed to and put it out of her mind.

Shots, shots, shots. The lemon lime vodka was a hard taste to swallow, but she liked to knock 'em straight to the back of her throat for the burn. It singed and gave her all the confidence of breathing fire. She hated when people took shots with hesitation, or worse, in two mouthfuls. It wasn't satisfying unless you could feel it in your lungs. If you're going to drink, make the jiggle juice count, she always said!

They danced around and applied makeup with Chloe's pregame track pumping them up further. It was lovingly labeled "College, What Can I Say" featuring weekend anthems like "Going Down For Real" and "A Little Party Never Killed Nobody." The night was rolling an hour later, a nice buzz making the lights brighter, the hugs warmer, the beats stronger. Everyone always filtered into Stacie's room before heading to the neighborhood, because she always hosted games like drunk Catchphrase and King's Cup.

When Ashley, Jessica, and Chloe entered, all the surfaces of Stacie's room already had people occupying them. Her and her roommates' beds, the cushy circle chair, kids sitting at the "bar" (her desk), even people sitting on the dressers. If an RA were to come in, there would be at least a dozen writeups for all the people who wouldn't have the guts to jump out the window or try to squeeze out the door and flee. Two of the occupants within the room included Stacie's special guests: the girl she had bumped into the hall was Beca and the other was an attractive boy named Luke. Beca was drunk, perhaps the most out of everyone in the room, but Chloe still poured her and everyone else another shot.

Pretty soon Beca was in front of her again, Chloe leaning on the bedpost and not able to conceal the alcohol-fueled smile on her face.

"What are you lookin' at, kid?" she bobbled her head and pretended to put on a stern face.

"I remember you!"

"Yeah silly, I just saw you in the hallway like an hour ago."

"No! I've seen you before that."

"I doubt that. You'd probably remember someone as ~gorgeous~ as me," she flipped her hair over her shoulder and giggled.

"No, really. Remember at that party at the baseball house? I lost my phone and you were grinding on some dude but you still helped me find it, even though you didn't know me."

Forms in a blackout memory blurred with beams of a flashlight searching on a beer-soaked woodfloor. It wasn't completely foreign, but it was a faceless memory.

"Yeah… Something about that sounds familiar. That was you?"

"Yup! You were really nice. Are. You are really nice," Beca stepped closer, looking up through dark lashes. Her thundercloud attitude from earlier in the hall was completely gone, replaced with this warm, attentive one. Chloe's pulse inexplicably quickened. For someone with an absence of boundaries and no definition of a space bubble, suddenly the walls felt closer. Chloe was being drawn in, leaning forward without a solid reason why. Beca's eyes were mesmerizing. Navy blue with the lights showing flecks of grey and spots of light.

Chloe took a sudden step back, feeling someone else's eyes on her. Stacie was quietly watching from "the bar" and it made her feel self-conscious.

"Want to go outside with me?" Beca pulled out a pack of Marlboro Reds from her pocket, just a peek. She studied Chloe. Barely anyone at Barden smoked, hell it was the twenty first century and practically no one smoked anymore (8% of youth, or something like that?), but of course Beca was a bad girl. She had already set herself apart from the rest of the population. Chloe should have seen the sign but obliged, led out the door by hand, agreeing with the weak excuse that the room was cramped. It couldn't hurt, right? It wasn't like she was going to smoke, she would never betray her vocal cords like that.

The night was warm, one of the first since a long winter. A new kind of warm, a revival of nature type of new. Yet for some reason, Chloe shivered when she saw the concentration on Beca's face as she flicked the royal blue Bic lighter, the tiny flame dancing in her new friend's eyes as the cherry ignited and a wisp of smoke wafted toward the night sky. The small brunette sighed.

"There's nothing like the first breath. Ugh."

"You're not like, addicted to those are you?"

"No. Oh no, of course not. They do help me relax though. The nicotine and all. I only smoke sometimes though."

"...Right. It's more of a drunk thing, then?"

"Yeah, the rush of drinking is balanced nicely with the calming effect of the nicotine. The tastes go really well together too." She took another puff, breathing out the side of her mouth. The stream was alive under the parking lot lights, a third presence making itself known with sight and smell.

They both looked out toward the cars passing on the street. Some would occasionally take a turn and illuminate them in yellow headlight beams, strobe freeze and dilated eyes, like the flash of a camera. Chloe didn't know it but she was taking pictures in her head while Beca talked. She prattled about her life and an ex, for some reason choosing to delve into her own bank of secrets and offer a handful to Chloe. The older woman was an open book herself, but others were not usually so forthcoming. She had been told before that she had a calming presence that made people trust her, but never had it been a truth serum effect like this before. Perhaps it was the alcohol, perhaps it was the burning tobacco between Beca's fingers. There was a lot to this girl, and she got the feeling that this glimpse was not one that many people got of her.

So she tried to listen to the stories, provide relevant replies. She feigned sobriety as much as possible, but faded as she was, Chloe's mind kept wandering to how beautiful this girl looked in the low light. There was a mask of smoke shrouding her face but it made her brooding eyes look mysterious and her lips more delicate. The stray strands of hair had their own shadows, the lighting was dramatic and made her skin look soft. She could barely resist keeping her hands to herself when Beca spoke.

"Ugh. I don't want to go back to school after this weekend."

"Why not? What college do you go to?"

She laughed. "Oh, I'm not in college."

"Uh… You're in high school?"

"Unfortunately. I'm going to college next year though, of course." She flicked the ash off.

Chloe mentally backtracked like she was pulling her hand back from a hot burner. Shit, she had been admiring a high school kid? Immediately she shut off her other thoughts. No way would she take a step further toward the high school kid.

"What's with that look on your face? I'm 18, you know.

Okay, so at least she wasn't throwing a hand towards an underaged child.

"No one had to buy me these, I'm a big girl, Chloe" she waved the pack in front of her face. At least they were almost the same age.

Chloe wanted more time alone with Beca, but the stub of the cigarette burned out when Beca flicked it into the bark. They had to get back to Stacie and the girls to head to the party. So the pair ran back to the light and through the halls, wading through the swaying figures that migrated out of Stacie's room. They busted through the door right before she closed it, bursting back into more space alone. Beca sprayed perfume from a pump bottle all around herself in an effort to mask the smoke, and offered some to Chloe who happily allowed Beca to douse her in it. It was the sexy smell that she had been getting wafts of over the past hour, a tantalizing scent that was pure Beca. The smell made the older woman hungry, so hungry that she was certain the smell was burned into her brain forever forward.

It was another sense following suit in the grand scheme of sexual arousal. Chloe had never been turned on by simply smell before, but it was all adding up. Chloe had the smell of Beca on her own body without even touching her, and she realized she wanted it from authentic physical contact, rubbed from body to body. She instinctively ground her teeth. It was lust in a bottle, but Chloe pushed the racy thoughts out of her brain.

They dashed out of Stacie's room and caught up with the crew in the parking lot. Bec tightened her flannel around her crop topped waist and they pretended they had been with the group the entire time.

Chloe wore a thin three-quarter sleeved crop top with a leather jacket over it and a royal blue and black skirt. It was short and sexy even with tights, but her new white shoes downplayed the fancy factor to an appropriate level. At least she looked hot for a night of meeting new people. Beca was dressed with less effort, the aforementioned flannel one that would become a pattern of memory for Chloe, and a black and white crop top underneath over simple black leggings. The other girls were dressed similarly and they were looked quite the crew. Hotties owning the neighborhood, shouting and laughing through side streets, acting just how college girls should.

Not all of the houses in the neighborhood were party houses or even owned by students of Barden. But they were always subject the Saturday night kids rolling through, clamoring to destinations of beer pong and grinding on dance floors. Bud Light cans were the testament to a good night and the evidence of the night before, littering the street and never truly disappearing from sight until they procreated on another weekend night. Chloe sometimes felt bad for the adults, the real ones who had nothing to do with BU except for their unfortunate location in the heart of the party 'hood. For college kids, it was great. They had never rented their own houses separate from parents before, and the independence was empowering. But for the people that lived in the houses for more than a year, it was the bottom of the barrel. Everyone's house in the area had been owned by the university at some point in it's life, and everyone's houses had the scars to prove it. They were usually apparent in the garages or on the porches or suspiciously broken staircases from drunken antics.

The sidewalk was narrow and gave little space for a group, so they filed two-by-two together. Beca and Chloe were the caboose and slowed as feelings surged. They spilled out under streetlit witnesses, luscious lips and warm skin and spontaneity. It was an illustrious moment, carrying such gravity that Chloe had no hope of comprehending the implications of the action at that moment. She just knew that she was so blown away by the sensation filling her mind and body that it was a struggle to function, and the rest of her brainpower was allotted to continuing basic functions.

Little did she know, the time-stand-still moment was an illustrious outline to what would divide her life into a before-and-after.

 **Real Time**

Chloe was reluctant to wake. After a night of heavy drinking, sleep was never restful. The first thought she had was frantic- knowing that last night something big happened. And then it all rushed back like Niagra Falls, clips of flannel and Corona and the buzz of the streetlights, the sexy smell the soft hair and softer lips and the smoke, the Doublemint gum and the porch running. She gasped. Across the room, Aubrey, who had already been awake for hours to work on homework, lifted her head. Chloe didn't move, feigning sleep, needing a few minutes to collect herself.

What had she done?

She had kissed Stacie's best high school friend, that's what. And she liked it. She was beyond annoyed that Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" flickered through her thoughts, _brain, this is not the time for jokes._ Worse than the action itself, other people knew about it now, thanks to the douche at the party who asked her about it in front of everyone. Stacie was shocked and seemed disgusted at it, Cynthia Rose looked at her with a look of knowing in her eyes. That was worse somehow, like she knew something that Chloe didn't. And everyone else knew too- she could only bank on the fact that everyone was just too drunk to remember. No one had caught them in the act after all, so who could really verify?

When they had gotten back to the dorm after the tumultuous trek, Beca could barely stand. She was beyond wasted, which disappointed Chloe because there would be no chance to discuss the events of the night. The five ended up in Chloe's room, and thankfully Aubrey was gone visiting her parents for the night. Because Beca crawled into Aubrey's pink and white bed.

"Beca! Get the fuck up you can't be on her bed!"

"But I feel sick!"

"You need to get up right now!"

"I have to throw up," she said, a greenish hue on her cheeks.

"DON'T THROW UP ON AUBREY'S BED" she screeched.

She looked annoyed but obliged, and the second she swung her legs over the side, she vomited into a trashcan that Stacie held out.

"There there, girly. That's right. Get it out," Chloe coaxed, rubbing gentle circle on her back. She was retching, pitching forward and completely unattractive in this state, but somehow Chloe couldn't be disgusted. All she wanted was to take care of her.

"Let me in your bed, then."

She gulped. "Ah… Okay. Sure."

Stacie's eyes shot to her. "No, sweetie, let's go to my room. All your stuff is there."

"But that's so far away. And… I like Chloe. She's nice. Sorry Conrad," she said, her shoes already kicked off and nestling on Chloe's bed. The redhead couldn't take her eyes off of the form- she wanted to join her so badly, to wrap her up in her arms, not take advantage of the girl of course, but explained to Stacie and Luke that she would just take the floor for the night.

Stacie went all mother bear though and heaved Beca off the bed and into Luke's strong arms.

"But Chloe… No," Beca whined, as she looked back at the redhead as Luke carried her away.

Fuck. There she goes. Chloe's stared at the carpet, and the small red flats that Beca had been wearing were still on the floor. She snatched them up and dashed down the hall to Stacie's room, knocking on the door and entering without waiting for an answer. 

"You left your shoes, Beca."

"I left your bed too… Cuddle with me please," she said, reaching up from the air mattress without opening her eyes.

"I-"

"She has her own bed, sweetie," Stacie interrupted, prying the girls apart. "Goodnight, Chloe."

Chloe panted now, not realizing she had been holding her breath while she replayed this occurrence from last night. She rolled onto her back for more air. She looked down and realized she was still in last night's outfit _you are just one big cliche today, aren't you_ and opened her eyes. The world swirled above her, the posters on her ceiling caught in a vortex. Great. Just one more problem on the pile, the last thing she needed right now was a hangover. Her head pounded and her mouth was dry.

Good thing Sober Chloe had a trick up her sleeve. Before going out on the weekends, she always set out two Advil and a liter of water on her desk that was reachable from the bed. She groped behind her for the lifesaving setup and Aubrey pulled one headphone out.

"Hey, drunkie. How do you feel?"

"Dead. Ugh."

"I told you not to drink, you know you always end up like that."

"But it's funnnn," she whined.

"Does it feel fun now?"

"No," she grumbled. Now wasn't the time, Aubrey. Not everyone wanted to drown in textbooks on a Saturday night, there was so much more to college than studying. Aubrey was the only person that Chloe knew of who hadn't gone to a single party all year. By choice. She was pretty enough that she probably could have hooked some serious tail, but she always turned down Chloe's invites with the crew.

She rolled over on her side a degree at a time to try to keep the world straight again. _How do you expect to do that when you can't even keep yourself straight_ her brain snickered at her. She replayed more events of last night, trying to absorb every detail of her encounters with Beca. The girl knew she shouldn't be reveling in the memories, but she knew they were already fading like a sepia photo, curling at the edges.

Beca was going back to wherever Stacie's hometown was. Somewhere far away. Somewhere not here. The thought made her arm shoot out and grab her phone- perhaps she could catch them at breakfast. There were tons of assignments and eventually work to go to, but Chloe decided to keep those thoughts at bay for a little longer, wanting to find Beca before resuming her normal stressful life. She threw on her favorite jeans and a Barden University shirt, combed her hair and dashed out the door without a word to Aubrey. She slowed around Stacie's of the hallway, and Luke, Beca, and Stacie emerged from her room as if on cue.

"Good morning, guys!" She chirped to them. _Wow, what a "coincidence" you stalker._

"Uh. How do you have this much happiness after a night like last night," Stacie groaned.

Her heart froze. She wasn't referencing the porch… was she? No, Stace wouldn't do that to her in a setting like this. She looked past her tall friend and saw Beca halfway behind her, peering out like a child behind their mother. Her face was blank, nothing to denote what was on her mind.

"Eh, I have a hangover. But I've got lots to do today so I might as well get an early start!" She cheerfully replied.

"Oh shit. I have to clean my tattoo. Hold up you guys," Beca said. "Chloe, would you mind helping me?"

"Yeah, totes." Her mind raced. Tattoo? Who knows where it would be on a girl like Beca, and who knows what it was of. But the next thing she knew, Beca was hiking up her shirt and tanktop and a smooth expanse of torso was in view. The curve of her right breast was visible below the cloth. Chloe gulped.

"Would you mind holding this in place?" Chloe's hand was guided a centimeter away from the partially-covered breast, her hand trembling. Beca began to dab cleaner over a heart-shaped Yin and Yang tattoo at the very top of her ribcage, dabbing with agonizingly slow speed.

Chloe's mouth was dry as she tried not to sneak a peek. Beca turned to her, a curious look on her face and was about to speak when Stacie re-entered the room.

"Hey... Um, what are you guys doing?"

"Chloe's just helping me clean my tattoo," she said innocently.

"Yep." She stared at the ceiling and blushed at what this probably looked like.

"Well hurry up. We're hungry."

The group walked to the dining hall and just like last night, Beca filed in next to Chloe.

"I don't remember all of last night."

"Oh. Yeah me either." _Maybe you can pretend you don't remember._

"Yeah I just remember in the dorm, smoking, and that great party with the awesome beer pong table. Oh yeah, and kissing you. Did you hook up with that guy after all?"

She threw in that "small" detail as if it were as normal as discussing the weather. Chloe gulped.

"Yeah, last night was pretty crazy."

"Hey! Good for you." For some reason, her heart sunk at this. Beca wanted her to get guys… not her.

They reached the cafeteria and Chloe chivalrously paid for Beca's breakfast, since she was a guest. The rest of the morning Chloe couldn't force herself to meet her eyes. The feeling she had right now was akin to finding out that a past child movie star had grown up to be a drug addict or had grown up to be crazy. It was an odd disappointment, a fall from grace. She felt Stacie staring at her from across the table more than once but pretended she didn't notice. She'd have to talk to her later.

And then it was time to say goodbye and return to the rushing current of the real world. Chloe badly wanted one last embrace, who knew when she'd see this whirlwind of a girl again, but Beca looked away. But as Chloe turned to leave, she was pulled into a delicate embrace by a small frame and she looked down, surprised, inhaling her scent one more time as Beca whispered in her ear.

"Before the month ends, I'll be back."


	3. Another Kind of Shot

Chloe was well-known for her confidence, her radiance, and her determination. They were always used for positive purposes- fundraisers, persuading professors, leading in the many different areas of her life. But for once, these traits were used for something else entirely. Denying the events of last weekend.

She knew it wasn't healthy, but it sure as hell wasn't worth the headache of trying to figure out what was going on with her. For one, she had always been positive about her sexual orientation, which was straight, and had never even considered another path. Like the one with curves and soft edges and gentleness. The path that swung the other way. She decided to avoid bringing Saturday up with Stacie, opting to pretend like it never happened. The more she told herself that "the incident" (as she now referred to it as) was just a random drunken occurrence, the more she could focus on returning back to normal.

After all, it wasn't a big deal, right? With a girl like Beca, she knew she wouldn't come back. People like that were always making promises that they never followed through with, so it was best to just put it out of mind. They would probably never see each other again. Right?

But there was a persistent little itch in her brain that wouldn't go away. One that kept imagining what would happen if she did come back. It was distracting, and every time Chloe played into the daydreams she feel pervasive guilt. They would come to her in class, on the elliptical, in line for coffee, admittedly in the shower. She couldn't get the girl out of her mind. Chloe wanted her to come back to BU but quietly accepted the unlikeliness of the event.

Time heals all problems, and Chloe's situation was no exception. She had succeeded in pushing Beca out of her mind. It had been two weeks, longer than it normally took for the redhead to reduce a flame to an ember, but she had gotten over it nonetheless.

She was currently taking notes in Communications 499 and listening with her full attention to the professor as she took notes when a side conversation from her peers interrupted her train of thought.

She waited momentarily for a lull to politely as Stacie and Cynthia Rose to stop whispering when her heart dropped into her stomach.

"Hey what are you doing this weekend, dawg? Do you want to go to the party on Fifth?" Cynthia Rose asked the tall brunette from her place behind Chloe.

"I don't know, man. Beca's coming this weekend, so unless you can get her in, then I'd probably have to say no."

The tip of Chloe's pen dug deep into the paper, imprinting the ghosts of words on the next several sheets below the surface.

"Ah. Well, I'll see if I can get both of you in, I know the owner of the house so it shouldn't be too hard."

"Okay! I'll ask Becs about it and then I'll get back to you."

"Dope. Sounds good, mate."

Chloe didn't realize she had stopped breathing and was desperately trying not to convey that she overheard the conversation. She especially didn't want Stacie to find out, because she got the feeling Stacie would get protective over Beca.

The thing about Stacie was that she was territorial. That much was obvious when it came to her habits with men, at least. There was a translation to how she acted around her friends as well. She was possessive, liking to be in control, and this meant being acknowledged every damn time she introduced mutual friends together. So she took credit for Chloe and Beca's meeting, and she felt this entitled her to an explanation for what happened two weekends ago. So the older girl had purposely put a safe distance between them in order to avoid an explanation.

But now the mission was somehow getting to higher ground with Stacie so that she could see Beca again. It would be agonizing to have Beca back at Barden this weekend, out of sight and out of reach. Just when she had stopped thinking about her night with the mysterious brunette, this chance bubbled to the surface quite coincidentally.

Shit. There was a problem. Chloe was already engaged in important plans on Friday night, plans that she wouldn't dare cancel. Her student manager in the public relations office had invited her over to a fancy group dinner with drinks and a trip to the theater, and she had already plus-oned Fat Amy. And it wasn't just at anyone's house. The man hosting the dinner just happened to be a world-renouned photographer for Time Magazine, retired now but in his prime he had impressed the world. His name was Anton and he was the real deal in the field. His talents extended beyond his role behind the lens- he was an artist of many mediums, a fabulous musician, a gay rights activist, and a seasoned cook who never ceased to impress his guests with his home-cooked meals. Anton was a modern Renaissance man who could beat the Dos Equis man hands down in a competition for cultured class.

The first time that Chloe ever visited her house she was nervous, not to be on a date with Jesse, but that Jesse had relayed to her that Anton specifically requested her presence. How had he known about her before she had any idea who he was? Either way, that night several months ago Jesse had mentally prepared her for the dinner while they made a quick pit stop to Safeway to contribute to the table. They were walking down the wine aisle for some Yellow Tail when he stopped her.

"You ready for tonight?"

"You betcha. I've been waiting for this all week! From what I've heard he seems really mysterious."

"Good. Most people are pretty nervous to meet him, because he's rather… Eccentric."

"Eccentric? But not in like a cat-hoarder way, right?"

"Well, he's pretty… Out there. He's a bold dude."

"Go on."

"Well for one, he's travelled the world and he's been to some exotic places. Some of the stories that he'll tell you are just as exotic. But they're all true."

"Okay. Note taken."

"And he has some pretty wild art around his house. But you're gonna love it, Chlo." He gave her arm a squeeze. They had meandered to the cheese aisle by now.

"So why aren't we dressed nicer for tonight then?"

He chuckled.

"What?"

"You'll come to find pretty quick that he wouldn't care if we showed up in garbage bags. He's the least-shallow dude you've ever met. He's probably going to put you on the spot tonight with some pretty deep questions… So be prepared to be your best self."

He drove them to the top of the hill that overlooked the city, to a neighborhood Chloe had never been to. They pulled up outside of an unassuming house, warmed by internal lights. She suddenly felt the stirrings of butterflies in her stomach, caterpillars coming out of their cocoons.

She took one last look at the setting sun over the city below her and Jesse gave her a knowing smirk. She expected him to knock on the door, or perhaps ring the bell but instead he turned the knob and walked right in. Chloe's eyes adjusted to the light and was taken aback by the combination of cozy grandeur of the home. Dark wood floors adorned with animal furs were underfoot, accented by floor to ceiling shelves stocked with books. Leather armchairs occupied the living room to one side with glass end tables and cases filled with various antiques. To the right, further from the entrance, a wise old piano stood guard next to a brick fireplace. The art that was on the mantel took her breath away- a hot air balloon with two passengers, a man in a tuxedo and a red-haired woman in a lace dress. She was absorbed in the piece when a voice spoke beside her.

"Well you must be the lovely Ms. Beale."

She jumped at the sight of the medium-height silver-goateed man beside her. Anton.

"Hello, sir. I was just admiring your art here. Who did it?"

"None of that sir stuff. You can call me Anton," he said, passing by her outstretched hand in anticipation of a handshake and kissed both of her cheeks. "And it was me."

Chloe jerked her attention back to her Comm 499 professor as other students started to leave the classroom. Looks like she had gotten caught in memories again, it had been like this in the three days since Beca's visit. She collected her things a beat later and made her way out.

She knew that she needed to find a way to spend time with Beca on Friday, that is, if she was really coming. But there was no way that she could bow out, right? When she got back to her dorm, she opened her email making sure that the invite was for this Friday, opening her desktop calendar as well.

"Ugh, Chloe. What have you gotten yourself into?" she asked aloud, putting her face in her hands.

She read the email that Jesse forwarded her from Anton.

" **FWD: The Last Supper.**

 _Hello to my young adult friends at BU. This week(end) I will be hosting dinner at my place. Be prepared to talk philosophy and dreams, and please bring a contribution to the table. This will likely be one of the last times we can all get together for the year for those of you who aren't staying here in Atlanta. So we're going to make it count. I will be hosting back-to-back dinners, one on Thursday and the other on Friday, since I want to see all of you at least once. Feel free to arrive to both. The more the merrier. Ciao, Anton."_

No way. Two days? She was instantly saved. She fired off a quick email saying that she would be there on Thursday with Fat Amy before jumping out of her chair, pumping her fist in the air and pattering her feet in place on the carpeted floor. Just then, Aubrey entered the room.

"Whoa, what's going on here, Beale?"

"Ah! Nothing it's just my lucky day!" She went running out the door in her socks, down the hall to Fat Amy's room. She knocked rapidly on the door, entering before an answer.

"Hey! What the hell- Oh. It's you."

"You bet it's me!" Chloe exclaimed, jumping onto the bed that Fat Amy and her laptop were occupying.

"What if I had been indecent, or lady-jammin' when you came in?"

"Then I guess you would've had to put some clothes on!"

"Your lack of boundaries are going to get you in trouble one day, Red. I bet you'll burst in on a Mafia deal sometime and that'll be the end of you. Besides, what are you so perky about?"

"Well, I thought my plans were ruined for this weekend. Something came up on Friday and I wasn't going to be able to make it to Anton's with you, and I was trying to figure out a way to tell you."

Amy's face fell. "But I've been looking forward to meeting him for ages, dude. All you ever do is talk this bloke up, and I already picked out an outfit that would make Beyonce pale in comparison."

"I know! But it turns out, we can still go! He's having a dinner on Thursday too!"

"Dude no what the hell?"

"What?"

"If it's on Thursday I can't go. I was already invited to perform at the alumni gala." It was known that every year, the up-and-coming underclassmen performing arts majors were showcased at the university gala, demonstrating the promise of youth or something like that.

"Oh…"

"And this is for-sure the last dinner of the year?"

Well, there was Friday of course… but Chloe couldn't waste her chance to see Beca again. She surely couldn't let that tiny little fact slip. So she changed tactics.

"Well, he did call it The Last Supper," she deftly avoided.

"Ah. I'm really sorry, Red, but I can't go."

"But I already said that you were coming with me, and I told him all about you when I first made the proposal that you'd be my plus one. He's excited to meet you."

"Well I'm sorry, okay?"

"I'm going to look dumb going alone now. Nobody ever shows up to Anton's alone." She threw on her famous puppy eyes for good measure. Even though she knew Fat Amy couldn't miss the gala, it would deflect some of the suspicion for the reason behind the change of plans on Friday.

"Well I can't do anything about it. You're the one who changed the day anyway."

"Fine. I'll invite someone else then. Stacie."

"Don't be like that. Besides, Stacie's performing on Thursday too, so…"

Shit. She looked like a jerk now. Not only that, but she really would have to go to Anton's alone in two days.

"Well I guess I'll figure something out then."

As rocky as that had been, at least she was free for Friday now. The easy part was over, now she just had to find a way to lock down some time with Beca Mitchell.

 **Bear with me, friends. I'm following a strict outline for this one and it's not quite linear so who knows what's on the horizon? :) I promise to update again soon so that you're not kept waiting too long for action!**


	4. Anticipation: No Repeats or Hesistations

The earth-shattering eruption of an alarm clock shocked Chloe back into consciousness.

No, it couldn't be morning already.

6:05 a.m.

Fuck. It was morning.

Hopeful little rays of sunlight filtered in under the heavy curtains that were drawn, and Chloe swung her legs over the side of the bed to meet them. She wobbled instantly as vision swung like the nauseating arc of a pendulum. Fuck again. She staggered to her desk to put her weight on something besides her own legs. Chloe looked over to Aubrey's bed on the other side of the room and found her sound asleep. Funny how most people look peaceful when they sleep, but Aubrey looked oddly determined even while dreaming.

But there were more important worries at hand. It was now 6:08 a.m. and Chloe had to be in the law school by 6:45 as the public relations intern to the university's department to learn the ropes of her future career. This morning, of all days. After a night that involved abundant class and five glasses of wine at Anton's that hadn't ended until two a.m. Chloe had ended up going alone to Anton's like she predicted, but the night got much further out of hand than she could have anticipated.

It was the smallest dinner that she ever attended at Anton's- only three other guests besides herself and of course their intriguing host made five. It was intimate but not uncomfortable, the type of "safe space" that a therapist would kill to simulate in their own office. And it seemed no one had shown up with their usual dates or connections- everyone had come alone just like her. The night began like usual. Each guest strolling into the parlor of Anton's house, offering their bottle of wine or appetizer, Anton passing out glasses to each of them while they swirled and made small talk and mused over his most recent work of art. Then they would assemble in a team in the kitchen to put dinner together to the cue of Italian opera, the chop-chop-chopping of the knife always in tune, each person moving like a cog in the wonderful dance of a clock. They sat down at the table in the dining room that was surrounded by art from around the world.

Anton led grace like always and they dug in to the savory confections of their loving teamwork. The five went around the table dissecting their recent dreams, the blush of the alcohol becoming apparent on all the guests' cheeks. It was warm, it was a non-traditional assembly of family. Chloe always indulged in the warmth she felt at Anton's table, and in the wine as well. But tonight was different, it felt safer than usual. Like a calm-before-the-storm type of safe, a too-good-to-be-true safe. She looked around the table and saw the candle's flames dancing in each person's eyes and was compelled to toast.

"To the beauty that I see in each of you, the same I wish the world sees."

It caught even Anton off-guard, not Chloe Beale's confidence because that was typical of course, but the touching nature of the gesture. It changed the course of the night, perhaps, because he added his own.

"To each of you, to all of us together. To the collection of us in the world that brought us together in this very night, in my house of all places, around this table so that we could share the warmth of each other's company. Amazing, isn't it, that all our paths crossed at this very moment, in this life at this time? Should we believe in chance, or destiny? Here's to the wonderful circumstances that dictated our meeting, whatever they may be."

She could drink to that. But the thought of paths crossing resonated with her in a way that reminded her of someone. A certain Beca Mitchell, someone. How just two weeks before, she had exited her room at precisely the time that Beca was passing, was too preoccupied in putting an earring in so that her head was turned and they slammed into each other. If she had put that tiny little earring in earlier, she would have seen Beca coming and avoided the collision, and they wouldn't have given each other a second thought. They wouldn't have had anything to talk about in Stacie's room, even if they had both been in it later on. The situation absolutely screamed that it was meant to be. They literally collided into one another, how symbolic was that?

"Everything is meant to be. But nothing is 100 percent anything," she murmured.

"Nothing is 100 percent anything, is that what you said, my dear?"

"Yes, that's right. It's just that nothing can be positively chance, just like nothing can be chock full of only destiny. They coexist."

"My, my. I think you just unlocked the universe, Ms. Beale," Anton smiled warmly. He sat back in his chair. The rest of the table pondered the thought with shared amazement on their faces.

Here she was now, the prospect of more time with Beca Mitchell like a puzzle before her. She had all the pieces, but how could she put them together?

And then.. It came to her.

Of all the things that had brought her here today, it was the prequel to a chance. Fat Amy cancelling, her having to move up a day herself, her worrying about how she would see Beca again, it all locked together with one. Simple. Solution.

She knew that the open mind of Anton would allow the plan to click into place. She giddily awaited a break in the conversation that had divulged into philosophy.

"This is the Last Supper, correct?" she asked him casually as they cleared the table in preparation for dessert.

"Yes. In theory. As a means for one last hurrah before the year ends. But I guess I should have called it the Second to Last Supper, because there's always tomorrow too. In fact, that reminds me. We're bringing out the Schnapps tonight."

"Can't argue with that! However, what would you say if I asked you if I could come tomorrow night too?"

He turned to her, placing his weathered hand on her shoulder. "You're always welcome under this roof, Ms. Beale. I would love to have your company."

"Even if I brought a guest… Or two?"

"Even better. The more the merrier. I love opening the minds of youth."

"Well I guess it's settled then. Should I get us tickets to the show?" The group had plans to attend a play downtown after an early dinner, sponsored by Anton.

"Don't you worry about that. I'll cover your tickets. You just worry about convincing your friends to come."

"All right. Thanks, Anton."

They escorted the plates of apple pie al la mode to the dining room, and Anton surprised the room with a box containing several bottles of Schnapps. Peppermint, cinnamon, Irish creme, it was overwhelming how much there was. He also took out miniature crystal goblets, the classiest shot glasses Chloe had ever laid eyes on, while they selected their drinks.

Chloe fired a quick text to Stacie. "Hey kid. You, me, Anton's tomorrow night."

"I thought you're there tonight?"

"True. He wanted to meet you too," she punctuated with the dancing emoji.

"If he's down, I'm down. But I'll have Becs with me…"

"It's totes fine. 'The more the merrier' he said. See you tomorrow, more deets then."

Stacie replied with the kissy face emoji.

Chloe had succeeded in locking down Beca at least for the first night of the weekend.

There were no longer boundaries, not that there had been any in the first place, but even the idea of boundaries was gone. The night took a turn. Somehow Anton had gotten to the topic of sexuality. He was explaining his journey to being openly gay and how he had to keep his relationships secret through decades of the non-understanding population at large. He talked about how people didn't understand that sexuality was a shifting scale and that it was fluid- it didn't have to be solid. It could be something that changed within a person. It didn't have to be something that always stayed the same, because how was something so central to someone's identity supposed to stay the same as the person grew and found new experiences and people and viewpoints?

"You know, I was alive when they created the Kinsey scale." He turned to Chloe and the other guest closest to him as the other three were involved in another talk at the other end.

"What's the Kinsey scale?"

"Heh. Well like I've said, sexuality changes. It can't always fit neatly into a box. A few scientists who, mind you, were way ahead of their time, came up with a scale to measure the hetero/homo sexuality of a person. They concluded that there isn't just a 'straight' or 'gay' but that there's a lot in between, and people could rate their gayness or straightness by the results of the test to the scale."

"Wow. That must have been revolutionary."

"It was. I took the test as soon as I found it. It's funny. I took it back then, and then I took it again when I was 20, and then again when I was 40. The number changed each time."

The group murmured their agreement with the reasoning.

"Say, for example, Ms. Beale here were to take it."

"Yeah- wait what?" This was completely out of the blue, she couldn't hide her surprise at the sudden turn in conversation.

"You're probably over here, on the straight end, right? Well then-"

"-Um."

"Wait a second, I said you were on the straight end, not the other end-"

"-Yes. Okay go on-"

"-...Am I correct in saying that you're heterosexually inclined?"

And then she panicked. Perhaps it was the alcohol, or the sudden feel of the walls closing in. Or the fact that she had been pushing the question out of her mind for the last two weeks, and finally someone else had asked it out loud. Directly at her.

And she couldn't answer. Because she didn't know anymore. It was as if she had been staring at the starry night sky, the same one that she had stared at all her life, and suddenly she found a tear down the middle of it; discovering that it wasn't the universe that she had spent so much time looking at but found it was just a backdrop instead.

So after a beat too long, she replied in a hushed tone.

"I'd rather not discuss this," she whispered. "Please."

Anton held her eyes for a moment, and the knowing that was in his eyes only intensified her fear. She smiled nervously at the other boy across the table while Anton expertly smoothed over the stumble in the conversation by comparing himself to him, pointing out their differences on the scale and further illustrating his point. The group's attention waned under the weight of indulgence from the food and alcohol, and the weight of the hour pressed on them as well. No one even noticed that Chloe's self-confidence had just received a self-inflicted fracture and would never be the same. But Anton still met her eyes across the table some minutes later when the conversation pursued the whim of another guest's wonder.

She finished two more glasses in the next twenty minutes in order to run away from realization that hit her. It was only the start, she knew, the crack in the dam that was being plugged with her thin finger. Water was already seeping out, and it was only a matter of time.

This is precisely what she continued to feel the next morning at the ungodly hour of six a.m. as she headed to the law school. Her head was pounding with hangover once again and the sunglasses did nothing to protect her from the rising sun. Chloe needed more than four hours of sleep, a dark room, and some aspirin. But instead she was heading to her very important internship and then to Friday classes immediately after, and then to her job after that. There was no chance of slowing down until tonight, and seeing Beca was her only light at the end of the tunnel. She was the simultaneous cause of the butterflies fluttering around in her stomach (they made her feel more nauseous, so it was counterproductive, actually), but the day seemed to drip spitefully by as if it knew what the promise of the night held.

The redhead still couldn't believe that she had pulled off the planning. Tuesday's Comm 499 class seemed so far away from now, from the chance of overhearing Stacie's casual conversation to making sure that Anton would have her back. It was exciting to have two people who had become so special to her meet each other. As long as Anton didn't bring up their conversation last night, all would be well. Who knew what would happen? She hoped that it involved spending as much time with the intriguing girl as possible.

She had the feeling that she would remember tonight for the rest of her life.

 **They'll meet again next chapter I promise! Drop a review telling me what you did or didn't like! Thanks guys. :)**


	5. In the Darkroom, Not The Closet

**This one goes out to Brittany Snow who signed onto Pitch Perfect 3! Bechloe better finally happen because this fandom has twice as many stories than Jeca does! (Look it up it's true!)**

There was a light knock on her open door.

"Hey Chlo? Beca's going to be here in about ten minutes, she just saw the sign for Atlanta. Are you ready?"

Chloe's heart hammered in her chest. _Ner-vous. Pan-ic. Ner-vous. Pan-ic._

How could this girl make her feel so frazzled? "Shit," she replied, finishing her hair with frantic speed. She wasn't ready to see her again, but she knew at the same time that she could never be more prepared than now. It was a funny feeling, a disarming paradox without a simple solution. She knew she was going to get herself in trouble tonight, one way or another, but she was going to do it anyway.

Chloe stepped back from the mirror, giving her outfit a once-over. It was formal in a school-girl kind of way, not outwardly sexy but hinted in her knee high knit socks and Clarks that led up to her beige pleated skirt, where a blue pin-striped button up was tucked in. She undid the top few buttons for good measure (Stacie would've told her to anyway) and she arranged her hair to frame her face and cleavage. Her makeup was on point despite the slight shake of nerve in her hands, and she gave a small smile to her reflection in the mirror.

And when she heard two pair of footsteps in the hallway, she knew who she'd see. She stepped out from her room right as Fat Amy bursted out of hers.

"I'M SO GLAD YOU RETURNED TO THE SHIRE, HOBBIT," she shouted at the top of her lungs, enveloping her in a hug that took her off the ground. The luggage bag that she had been rolling dropped to the ground on its face and Stacie rolled her eyes.

"If I'm a hobbit, what does that make you in this scenario then?"

"I'll be that elegant elf bitch who rules the kingdom."

"No, I see you more like the spider Shelob," she chided.

"Hey. You've just been demoted from Hobbit to dwarf. I'm going to call you Gimli for the rest of your stay, asshole."

Beca turned her head, laughing, which brought the waiting Chloe into her line of sight. The smile faded from her face and became an indecipherable look, and leaving her luggage still on the ground, she walked forward and wordlessly pulled Chloe into a hug. This surprised the woman, because she didn't expect Beca to be the type who willingly initiated contact. The girl felt warm in her arms and just as she was beginning to melt she pulled away.

Oh, right. They were in the middle of the hallway with an audience.

"Alright. Are we good to go?"

"Yup! I'll meet you in your room in a second." She backed into her own room to grab her purse and take a couple of deep breaths to gain some composure. She sprayed some of her favorite "Sheer Cotton and Lemonade" perfume on her neck for good measure and reconnected with the girls.

In the car on the way to Anton's, Stacie drove and Chloe took shotgun while Beca sat in the backseat.

"I'm the guest, I should've had shotgun," Beca grumbled.

"You're also the youngest. Good thing we didn't give you a carseat," Chloe winked into the rearview mirror.

She found it hard after that to not keep looking into the mirror to study Beca. It was hard to believe that after two weeks of dreaming for Beca to come back, she finally did. She was trying to memorize the way that the small girl looked right now for her future memories. The way the waning sunlight was shuttering across her face as they passed the tall buildings, the way her eyes were glinting in the light. The way that she could see her eyebrows raise slightly like she was having an important conversation in her head, the way the breeze was filtering in through the windows was taking her mid length hair up in its currents.

Before they knew it, they had arrived at Anton's. As they advanced on the walkway leading towards his door, Chloe gave them a quick few pointers.

"Now, Anton's a pretty unique guy as you know. He's eccentric, but he's classy as hell. He's going to ask you some questions to get to know you, but they're not surface-level. Things are going to get deep, but that's who he is, so be prepared." She felt like Jesse when he was preparing her for her first time at the house. "Be polite, but be open. I really want you guys to make a good impression, because your behavior reflects on me. There's important people here tonight because they work with me in the PR office, and don't be surprised if we're the only kids here. Oh and one more thing, prepare to get wine drunk."

With that, she pushed open the front door and masked her internal nerves with a confident stride forward.

"Anton, we're here, dear!"

He emerged from the kitchen wiping his hands on a plaid dishcloth. Tonight he was dressed to the nines, from his Italian leather shoes up to his thin tie and navy blazer.

"Ah, these must be the wonderful girlfriends that Chloe was telling me about." She gulped at the term before realizing he only meant _friends that were girls,_ not the other meaning.

He kissed her friends on both of their cheeks in the customary fashion, bubbling about how blessed he was to have such beautiful girls in his house. He began to give them the tour of the house and Chloe went to the kitchen to pour the wine. Chloe brought the glasses to one of the armchairs in the front room and nibbled on cheese cubes while she waited, crossing and uncrossing her legs, shifting her weight, hating her general indecisiveness and not being able to decided how to act. Her usual confidence was punched full of holes. She had to be herself, but it was hard because she wasn't sure who that was anymore.

The "tour" ended and more guests continued to enter the house. Photographers from the local paper, professors from the college, artists. It was quite the crowd they were amongst.

"You look nervous. Here," she said, handing over a glass to Beca.

"I am, I'm not going to lie. This guy's the real deal."

"He's an amazing person, don't worry. Just be yourself." She really should be taking her own advice.

"Oh yeah, and here's the two original Rene Magritte lithographs that I was telling you about," she gestured to the wall.

"No. Fucking. Way. That's the artist who did that 'this pipe is not a pipe' and the apple face one right?"

"That's the one. Told you Anton was an art aficionado," she winked.

Anton called them all to the dining room, where another table was added to accommodate all the guests. He arranged everyone around the table and Chloe was pleased that Beca was diagonal to her, Stacie to her right. Anton said grace like always. They passed around a salad that Chloe had made herself, (she loved to go into domestic mode but was unfortunately limited in her cooking abilities so salad was her best offering). The main course was fettuccine alfredo which went spectacularly with the red wine, and the homemade bread was equally fabulous. The more wine Chloe drank, the more she couldn't tear her eyes away from Beca. Her body began to feel warm and she chewed thoughtfully, taking in the lilt of Beca's speech pattern as she described her career goals to Anton.

Was this what it felt like to fall in love?

After an hour and a half at the table, Chloe was accidentally wine drunk and trying to keep quiet to hide it. She was always getting herself into these situations, and it really wasn't the time. One of the photographers was talking about old-school photography and Anton casually mentioned there was a darkroom in the basement.

"Are you serious? And you never showed me? Let's go!" Chloe said, rising from the table.

"I- alright. Sure. Let's go."

Beca jumped up from her chair. "Ooh I wanna see!" Apparently, Chloe wasn't alone in being wine drunk.

"Just let me finish this conversation, love. It's down the stairs and to the right," Anton said. "You girls go ahead."

Chloe's mouth open and closed and the air seemed whisked out of the room. Her legs hurriedly carried her down the stairs and into the pitch black darkroom, where Beca followed and shut the door so only a crack of light filtered in. The room was hot, or maybe it was just Chloe's body registering the luck of the intimate setting. Her body felt as if it was on fire with desire. She was sure she had never felt the need for another person so strongly. Definitely not for a girl before this, either. Her mind was racing with possibility and fragmentation of thoughts as Beca took a step closer in the darkness. She couldn't see her, but she could feel the other girl's breath on her face and the heat of her body. Chloe's own breath had ceased as she concentrated on keeping her hot hands to herself. The task was nearly impossible. The air was charged with a current of overwhelming desire and Chloe's jaw clenched for the millionth time that night as she tried to control herself. She was the one leaning in this time, the gravitational pull was insurmountable. The smell of Beca flooded her senses and it was a millisecond away from joining her tastebuds when suddenly light poured over them as the door was opened briskly by Anton.

Chloe jumped back against one of the partitions and Beca stayed rooted to her spot in the middle of the floor. Anton looked up and between the girls and Chloe could now see that Stacie was behind him, looking over his shoulder with curiosity at the pair.

"So you're discovering the wonders of the darkroom, eh?" His eyes sparkled with knowing and she knew she owed him an explanation later.

He shut the door and turned on a red light that cast eerie shadows around the room and across their faces. She really was interested in what he was saying, but it paled in comparison to the preoccupation to Beca. She tried to answer coherently and be an active listener as he explained the various stages to the developing process and the uses of the equipment. The photos that were strung up my clothes pins were probably fabulous, but they barely registered. She kept sneaking glances to the short brunette, who she found was also not paying attention. The close quarters in the dark allowed her to continue drowning in Beca's sexy scent. Her body was tingling now and with every time their eyes met, Chloe's stomach dropped low with the intense stirrings of lust. It was unbearable. She wished more than anything that Stacie and Anton would leave the darkroom so that she could take Beca right then and there.

Chloe's disobedient mind imagined what it would be like. She would push Beca against the wall. Their bodies would be pressed solid against one another, and Chloe would pin Beca's arms above her head while she hungrily kissed her neck. There would be no time for nuzzling and slowness, she would burn herself to a pile of ashes if she waited. She would kiss up her fragile jaw line and connect their mouths and Beca would respond just as passionately. She would flip them and take control, giving Chloe a much-loved challenge. Chloe would flip them again as she shrugged Beca's shoulders bare of her cardigan, her hips finding her waist to remove her of her tank top. Oh how her hands would ravage that smooth skin, those toned abs, up her sides and to her bra-

"Red. Get your shit together," Stacie hissed. It abruptly interrupted her little daydream and she snapped her head in surprise to face the girl.

"What are you talking about?" Chloe tried to muster up all the innocence in her body, but the deliverance was weak because innocent was the last thing she was right now.

Stacie just closed her mouth and looked warningly in Chloe's eyes. Her green eyes glinted back conveying their caution and Chloe said nothing. After what felt like an infinity, the redhead broke the staring contest and followed Anton up the stairs. They gathered their things and headed out to the cars to the theater. They were a party of 13 and formed a small convoy. Both members of Chloe's car shared tension with her. Beca's tension was sexual, and this caused her to be obvlious to the prickly tension that was between the other two. Chloe knew that she needed to back off and let the boundaries take over, but she was too buzzed to care.

"Snapchat group selfie!" She exclaimed, making sure the other two were in the photo. When the image appeared on her screen it showed Stacie flashing a wan smile and Beca in an open mouthed smile in the middle of talking.

"Send that to me!" Beca shouted from the backseat.

A perfect opportunity for Chloe to snatch. "I don't have your number!"

"Gimme your phone then." She added herself to the contacts and sent the photo to herself.

"There you go. And I added myself to your Snapchat friends list too."

"Totes awesome!" she turned back around to hide her too-wide grin. She felt like a giddy teenager again.

 _ **-A Few Hours Later-**_

The play passed quickly. It was a dark and psychological, based on a true story in the early twentieth century involving a schizophrenic boy and horses. It had been on Broadway last year and starred Daniel Radcliffe and Anna Camp, but the local version was just starring a boy from BU. As much as she loved seeing live shows and going to the theater, it couldn't hold her interest when Beca was near her, just like earlier in the darkroom. It was difficult to sit in silence for so long when she could've been learning Beca, but it was better than being apart from her. When the show ended, the group reconvened in the lobby and they all thanked Anton for sponsoring their tickets and hosting such a wonderful evening.

They saw Fat Amy and Jessica in the lobby and offered them a ride home as well, since they had taken a taxi to get to the show. There were no hard feelings between Chloe and Fat Amy, because both were generally genial people and not the type to hold grudges. The car was stuffed full of the happy girls as they rode through the lights of downtown and back to campus, discussing which characters were hottest and other lighthearted things in between singing the songs on the radio. The energy was completely renewed and the night felt different all together from the tension that had transpired earlier. Everyone changed out of their formal clothes and into casual Friday night outfits and like always, met up in Stacie's room.

Which of course led to drinking.

Which of course led to getting drunk.

They were college kids, what else would they do? The way Chloe saw it, as long as no one got alcohol poisoning or fell out the window, they were fine. Besides, there would never be another socially acceptable time or place to get drunk all the time like college, so they might as well take advantage of it. Chloe was the bartender for a while, passing out vodka shots as was typical before they went downstairs to the men's floor. Their friend Benji Applebaum often hosted small kickbacks, opting for the intimacy of a few friends rather than the rowdy parties. They were exclusive to just his small circle, and when the five girls entered his room they found Jesse and Uni and a couple other girls were already there.

They were playing Dice but with the expanded group, decided to switch to King's Cup. There were several cans of Four Loko for the circle to share. Chloe knew it would end poorly but her inhibitions were lowered. Beca was hitting the Four Loko pretty hard and she didn't want to look like a stick in the mud by refusing to drink, so she kept going.

Maybe it was just her, or maybe it was the lack of coherent thoughts, but it seemed like Beca kept trying to gain her attention. Meeting her eyes, touching her hand, making her drink when she had to select someone to "punish" in the circle.

 _You already have it baby, don't you know?_ Chloe thought to herself, and a silly grin plastered itself onto her face.

"What are you smiling about there, Chlo? Beca asked her, returning a sly grin.

Chloe looked down and linked their fingers casually. "Why don't you tell me?"

"How about we take another shot?"

"Oh. Are you sure? Perhaps we should slow down." 

"No. I came with the expectation to drink every day I visited."

"Well that's not really healthy… But alright!"

They rose and ran to Stacie's room where Chloe kept her vodka. She poured them both shots and when she handed it to Beca they paused to look into one another's eyes.

"What are we toasting to?" Chloe asked.

"To letting me escape to your college paradise and spend it with you."

"Cheers," Chloe said softly.

She swayed and Beca leaned backwards onto the quilt of Stacie's bed.

The taller woman stepped closer stared wordlessly into her eyes. She placed a hand on Beca's knee that ran a shiver through her entire body. She must felt the goosebumps under her hand because she looked down and into the navy blues again.

"Hey, you feeling okay?" Beca questioned.

"Hm, a little nauseous but that doesn't really matter right now."

"Ooh. Alright. Let's go back downstairs to the group. I think we should all be done drinking for tonight."

"But we were having so much fun," Chloe whined.

"And we'll keep having fun. We succeeded in getting drunk-" she hiccupped and giggled- "And let's go find Stacie and the boys again."

"Okay. You're so nice I love you Becs," Chloe said again, pulling Beca into a side hug that turned into the smaller girl supporting the taller one as they made their way downstairs.

Not five minutes after returning to the room, she got too nauseous to handle it anymore. Stacie was throwing up as she opened the door and they opened the windows to keep air ventilating. They didn't have time to run all the way up to the women's floor, so Benji's room had to do. The smell made Chloe even more nauseous, and she couldn't hold back. She took the trashcan and threw up as well, laughing at her stupidity for the combination of wine, vodka, and Four Loko. It was bound to end like this, after all. Stacie patted her knee comfortingly, and Jessica rubbed soothing circles on her lower back. She was surprised to feel a pair of smaller hands massaging her shoulders and Beca's voice gently whispering "It's okay, you're alright, atta girl," while she vomited. She pulled her hair back and ran her fingers through it in a sympathetic manner.

It was embarrassing to throw up with an audience, but the embarrassment was overpowered by the shockingly comforting actions of her friends and Beca. She had done this for Beca two weeks earlier, and she was lovingly returning the favor. The group led Chloe back upstairs to tuck her into bed, and she couldn't even be disappointed that there wasn't a romantic outcome with Beca tonight, because this was far better. She fell asleep feeling more loved than she had in years.


	6. Dorm Prom

**Here's a chapter in honor of Anna Kendrick's 30th birthday which is today!**

Fortunately Chloe didn't have quite the hangover as she woke up with yesterday, on account of throwing up last night. Her eyes were red and she woke up in last night's outfit. _Man, I really have to stop doing this,_ her groggy brain scolded. But she was up and doing homework by noon, on account that the April atmosphere brought out the best in campus and the Barden students. She could see students throwing around a Frisbee and other jovial activities from her dorm window. The dorm "prom" event was being held tonight and everyone was excited, and the realization of the date made her smile outwardly.

But she quickly blushed as she recalled portions of last night. This time there was no overwhelming embarrassment or stupidity to account for like the last time she woke up from a night spent with Beca. These were good memories, and she couldn't believe that the potential pitfalls or chances for trouble left her unscathed. Perhaps that calm-before-the-storm feeling she had was false after all. Chloe felt cheerful and filled with hope, and she made her way to the dining hall. She was happy to find the group already there and her positivity raised even higher.

Bumper asked her why she was so bubbly when less than twelve hours before she had upchucked all her guts, trying to get a rise out of her, but she just laughed him off like she typically did. She mentally made a note to slap Benji for telling Bumper about the incident. But today, nothing could get her down.

The day passed quickly and uneventfully. Even though it was a Saturday, she wanted to put her positive energy into productive tasks and she succeeded in studying for two exams, finishing homework for two more classes, doing the laundry, and completing a press release for her internship. By five o'clock she was back in the dining hall with the same group as a few hours prior and was invited to attend the university baseball game.

"Hey, what are you doing in like twenty minutes?" Beca asked from her seat next to Chloe's.

"Oh, I don't know, probably heading back to my dorm room. Why?"

"We're all going to the baseball game because the weather's nice. Would you… Like to come with?"

"I'd love to! I'll change my clothes and then meet up with you guys?"

"Sure. We probably won't be there the entire time though, because we have to get ready for prommmm."

Chloe squealed in response. "I've been so excited for it! I know it's just a dorm thing, but I can't wait."

A strange look of sadness passed over Beca's face.

"Hey… What's wrong my dear?"

"Oh. It's nothing."

Chloe scooted her chair closer, ducking her head to Beca. "No really, you can tell me anything."

"Oh. Well it's just that this will be the only prom I'll ever go to."

"What do you mean? You're still in high school, yours should be coming up soon, right?"

"Well, yes. But I'm not going to the one at my high school."

"Why not?"

"Um. I don't really have any friends."

"You must be exaggerating. A girl like you doesn't have friends? What does that really translate to, do you mean you just have a small group or something?"

"No, Chloe. Like I only have friends who have graduated. Or are here. I have no one at school."

Chloe was speechless. She knew that Beca had the badass persona, was a little standoffish and whatnot, but she had also seen the complete opposite side as well. The side that wanted to cuddle, that liked to be drunk and silly and give her warm attention.

"You'll find someone. And if you don't, go stag. You only have one high school prom, and you'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't go. It's like… A rite of passage or something."

"Of course you'd say that. You were probably prom queen when you were a senior in high school," Beca grumbled.

The girl wasn't far off. She was on prom court, she just didn't get the crown. But there was no way that Chloe would admit to that.

"Nope! You'll go tonight, and you'll see just how much fun it is. And unlike us, you'll get the chance to do it all again!"

"Will you be my date?" Beca asked sheepishly.

"You betcha. But don't expect a corsage!"

By the time they got to the baseball stadium, the spring light was casting long rays over the land like gold bars. The stadium was rowdy and full but they scored a row behind the home team dugout. Chloe hated baseball but she could definitely stand it with a girl like Beca at her side and the bonus company of her friends. Fat Amy and Emily sauntered up, each carrying a bucket with a long straw out of it.

"Oh my gosh, what could you guys possibly be up to?"

"Lookee here!" Jessica lowered the bucket she was drinking out of for the group of five to see.

"Is that… cherry Slurpee?" Jesse asked, craning his neck.

"You bet your twig bitch ass it is, Swanson!

"Did you rob it? How in Houdini's name did you get so much?" Benji asked.

"It was bring your own cup day!"

"Fat Amy, that's definitely not a cup. You're crazy. And why does yours look so weird?"

"Well they should be glad I didn't bring a trash can. Or an inflatable pool. But mine looks funny because I mixed all of the flavors!"

"Let me try it!" Chloe grabbed the straw and took a swig before spitting it on the ground.

"Ugh! That's disgusting!"

"Oh, I forgot to mention it to you Red, I poured a few shots in there too. Sorry 'bout it."

She laughed. Classic Fat Amy. "Don't worry about it, Crocodile Dundee. Just warn me next time!"

Surprisingly, Chloe enjoyed the game and even found herself cheering. She was more than content. Little did she know the peace of her life was setting with the sun, like the Titanic pushing away from land for the last time.

Back at the dorm, chaos was underway. The communal bathroom was packed with curling irons, makeup, shower caddies, clips, pins, brushes, wands, trays, tubes, and all the girls to go with them. Girls were wandering around half-clothed in the various stages of readiness for the prom. It was silly but Chloe participated full throttle nonetheless. She offered to be the "promtographer" for her hall, walking around and snapping pics after she was ready.

She chose flats for their simplicity, a maroon sleeved body con dress adorned with a black lace pattern in the front, and her blue turquois earrings to match her favorite blue and gold topaz necklace. The sleeves made the dress look modest until you saw her body from the side profile (or behind), and it was then you noticed the contours of her curves. Her hair was thankfully submissive to the gel and hairspray today. Her reflection even looked happy in the mirror.

Many of the girls in her hall clamoured to her camera for photos as if they were going to a real prom. Everyone seemed to abandon their worries for the night in favor of the good times. She felt lucky to be alive tonight and surrounded by such wonderful people. But speaking of wonderful people, she hadn't taken photos of Stacie or her roommate yet, or Beca.

Chloe glided down the hall after another group photo and knocked on their door, which was answered by Stacie's roommate Kimmy Jin.

"What do you want?" she asked flatly.

"Oh um, I was wondering if you knew where Stacie or her friend was?"

"I don't know."

"Can I wait here?"

"No. That'd be a real inconvenience. Bye." With that, she shut the door in Chloe's face. After another hour, they were still nowhere to be found. The lobby was officially open for prom and they had all promised to walk in together. Chloe texted Stacie but received no reply, and she nearly asked Emily to check out the dance with her when Stacie and Beca came running back to the hall with Fat Amy and Cynthia Rose in tow.

"Oh hey guys! Where were you for so long?"

"Sorry Red, we went to CR's place. But now we're good to dance!"

"Wait! Pictures first ladies!" She organized the crew in front of her camera for a few shots and then handed the camera over to Lilly so she could take a picture of the five of them. Jessica and Emily dove in at the last second and they all put on their widest grins. When Chloe reviewed the image, it was instantly her favorite photo of the year.

"Okay girls! We're good to go!"

The group arrived fashionably late, making jokes about squad goals and how they were intimidating with their color coordination. They could hear the dance before they could see it. Pounding bass, shouting kids, the shuffling and stomping of hundreds of students. On first look, it was a shit show. Apparently the whole entire dorm decided to pregame the dance rather than just go sober. This was evident in a number of ways: boys with ties around their heads as bandanas, the multitudes of girls taking squinty-eyed duckface selfies, the individuals writhing on the floor "break dancing." Everyone wore the blush of alcohol and sweat of coeds and the grimacing RA's lined the perimeter with complete dissatisfaction.

Chloe couldn't help but laugh at the scene before her. It was hilarious, sad that the Housing and Residence life people had put so much effort into getting the word out about the event... but these people would probably be too drunk to remember it the next day.

It was beyond fun though regardless. Everyone greeted her with excitement and energy, they all told each other how beautiful they looked, they were dancing like there was no tomorrow. She didn't even notice that Stacie, CR, and Beca had disappeared until they came back onto the dance floor.

"Hey! Where were you guys again?" Chloe shouted over the music.

"Oh- we were uh, pregaming," Stacie said, not meeting her eyes. Okay, that was a little shady.

"Why wasn't I invited? You know I was saving good stuff for the right occasion. I would have been happy to share with you guys."

"Oh don't worry, we still can."

"The night is young!" Beca screamed out of nowhere.

After a few more songs Beca tugged on her hand. "Hey. Let's take some shots."

If it meant time with Beca alone, she was more than willing. "I have to catch up, after all! Sure!"

Chloe accepted her hand and they jogged back up to her dorm. Aubrey had a few people inside already, which she was surprised to find. If Aubrey was letting her hair down, it was definitely a big night. They greeted her and conversed as Chloe casually slipped the glass bottle into an oversized purse to smuggle out of the room. Aubrey didn't approve of alcohol and didn't actually know that Chloe hid any in her closet. She was thinking about the best way to depart when she was taken off-guard by Beca who grabbed the topaz stone that was hanging on the chain just below her breasts to pull her closer. The shorter girl angled her face up and the taller woman's breath was whisked away. The gravitational pull was back, and this time Beca was the one finding it's magnetism to be insurmountable. She was leaning in when Chloe went rigid, leaning back quickly. She couldn't let the other girl kiss her in front of Aubrey and all these people in her room. It was almost impossible to resist the purely sensual way that Beca looked at her, and she wished they were alone now more than ever. Beca's eyes were clouded with lust and dark with dilated pupils. If it was just them two, she was fairly sure what the outcome would have been.

She grabbed her purse and bid Aubrey a good night and they snuck into Stacie's room, where Kimmy Jin looked annoyed. Of course she wasn't downstairs enjoying the prom, she was stewing in her ever-present anger. They pretended not to be disappointed that the room was already occupied. Chloe allowed Beca to take shots but kept an eye on her because she wanted to watch out for the small girl. She was always willing to party but Beca mattered more.

They slipped back into the lobby unnoticed. Chloe could barely register the events around her due to her preoccupation and it was only a few minutes before Beca took over again.

She allowed Beca to lead them away from the dance again, this time outside to smoke. They rounded the building to the secluded south east corner facing the alley and sat down on the small decorative boulders. The familiar buzzing of the streetlights spurned a feel of deja vu. The spark coming off the lighter as the tip of Beca's cigarette went up in smoke further enforced the feeling.

It was just like last time. It was a memory that was occurring again before her eyes. Like life imitating art, or the other way around?

She could sense the feelings welling up inside her. Churning from deep down, the kind with brevity, the kind that come straight from the heart without consulting from the mind. The dangerous kind.

"You okay there, Chlo?"

Chloe opened her mouth and closed it, looking like a deer in the headlights without justification for her loud thoughts.

"Here. Try one of these." She handed over a Marlboro Red and a blue plastic lighter. Chloe stared at the objects in her hand before sniffing the rolled tobacco. She never thought she'd try smoking… but then again she never thought she'd try girls, either. So why not? After fumbling with the lighter, Beca amusedly plucked it out of her hands and told Chloe to inhale while she lit. In the close proximity, Chloe could see the flame dancing in the small girl's concentrated stare. And she swore she had never seen anyone more beautiful.

"Wait… What?" Beca asked.

"What?"

"You said I was beautiful."

Shit. Had she really said that out loud?"

Chloe coughed violently after singeing the inside of her nose with the smoky exhale.

Beca looked up through her lashes. "I'm average, for the record."

"Are you kidding me? You're one of the most beautiful girls I've ever met, Beca."

"Stop trying to make me feel good, I have a mirror and I see myself every day. I'm decent, sure, but beautiful, no." The insecurity surprised her.

"If you could see yourself the way that I see you, you would never say that again. In fact, I'm going to make that my mission. I'm going to get you to see yourself like I see you."

"Good luck," Beca said dejectedly, blowing out a stream from the corner of her mouth. Chloe concentrated on the tip of her own cigarette, pulsing orange with every inhale that was harming its way into her lungs. The smoke wandered away from her and into oblivion. She scoffed at how analogical it was to the current situation. After this weekend, Beca would drift back to her normal life without Chloe. Out of sight, away. Like she was never here. They wouldn't see each other until next year, due to the distance. Or ever again. She knew it. And it pushed her over the unsalvageable edge.

"Hey. I have something to tell you."

Beca looked up from her phone. Chloe's mouth went drier, suddenly overcome by stage fright. It was now or never.

"Well?"

"Okay. You know how I just said how beautiful I thought you were?"

"Duh, it was like thirty seconds ago."

"Okay, just listen. I've actually been thinking about that a lot lately. How beautiful you are. Like, a lot. Like, more than I should be thinking about it. It's overcoming me. And it's not just your physical beauty. You have wonderful traits in that mysterious little personality of yours. All of that adds up together, and it weighs a lot more when combined with the fact that you kissed me. More than once. And I haven't been able to get my mind off of you. Believe me, I've tried. But the thing is, I think I like you."

Beca was silent. Speechless and looking quite confused, distraught even. Ash dropped from her cigarette but she made no move to raise it to her mouth. She stared at Chloe who began to panic.

"Okay, I didn't plan on telling you that tonight. I know you don't know me well, and I had no intention of saying anything like that to you, ever. I'm shocked just as much as you are, actually. My whole life I've only ever been into guys, never even gave trying girls a thought. If you knew me, you'd know that. I've always been comfortable with myself, but things changed in the last two weeks since your visit. I've never even fallen for a friend, before! Much less a friend that is a girl. I'm angry at myself for doing this. I shouldn't like you. I shouldn't have said anything, I just-"

And then she was cut off. By a pair of warm lips that made her eyes fall instantly closed, enraptured in softness. An equally warm hand cupped her cheek and her own hand unromantically found its way to Beca's bicep. Beca swiped her tongue along Chloe's bottom lip and she opened her mouth to accept the visitor, gladly. It felt just like that night in the neighborhood two weeks ago. Beca was clearly in control and had successfully reduced the redhead's functions to only what was necessary to respond to the current actions. Before she knew it, the mouth retreated and she slowly opened her eyes, stunned. Beca was standing over her with an indecipherable look on her face as Chloe remained seated. Chloe raised a hand to touch her lips, unsure that that had just happened.

Both girls raised their cigarettes to their lips in the same moment, inhaling, exhaling, their smoke mingling before disappearing.

"S- so, uh. What was that just now?"

"It's me telling you that it's okay. Your feelings for me."

"It's okay? How do you mean?"

"As in, I understand."

"Okay… But what does that mean for the situation?"

"Situation? What do you mean?"

And Chloe's heart plunged.

"Oh. Nothing. I just meant…"

Beca studied her, waiting for her to finish the sentence. She didn't know where she was going herself, but she could see the wall sliding up between them. So she changed tactics in a last-ditch redirect.

"Are you straight?"

"Yupp. You?"

 _Inhale._

"Same."

 _Sharp exhale._

Nothing compared to the panic that she felt in that moment of knowing that it had all changed. It was the first time that the answer to that question was a lie. It was like having a rice paper roof in a hurricane. Flimsy. Pointless. Harmful to the occupants. It sounded ridiculous and they both knew it.

She was fairly sure her dignity dissolved, so it didn't matter if she asked if she could kiss her again one last time. At least that rejection would be direct and without confusion.

But when Chloe asked, Beca straightened up, threw the stub on the ground, and beckoned for her to come closer. This time, the older woman wanted the control. She wouldn't be caught off-guard this time, she fully intended on burning every bit of the next few seconds into her permanent memory. She shuffled so the toes of their shoes met, looking into Beca's eyes before fixing her sights on her lips and cupping her face. Her fingertips grazed the chocolate locks and her eyes fell shut once again as she closed the distance completely. Chloe tilted her face to gently push her lips into Beca's, keeping her mouth closed an extra second before opening it. She wanted to move slowly. She wanted to convey every ounce of tenderness that she had for Beca while she still could, every ounce of the pain that was already burning from her confession, every ounce of care and confusion and risk and wonder that accompanied her feelings for the younger girl. Beca moved receptively. She was understanding everything Chloe was saying without any words at all. A bittersweet type of love language that Chloe was sinking into, tilting her face the opposite way to catch hold of all the angles of reality. Her cigarette was still burning in her hand which was now along the side of Beca's jaw, and Beca's eyes flew open at the dangerously close cherry burning.

"You better not burn-" But Chloe was a step ahead of her and threw the cigarette behind her, not willing to waste a millisecond on the moronic interruption. A dagger of pain shot through her when she drew Beca back in and saw the other girl's eyes droop shut in anticipation, her face already tilted to resume. Chloe returned to the kiss with heightened fervor from earlier: Beca was going to leave wanting more. She disentangled her tongue and kissed her way down the fragile jawline, brushing Beca's hair over her shoulder with ghosting fingers. Chloe nuzzled the curve of her neck, exhaling purposefully to feel the shiver course through the other girl's body before pressing a kiss there. She kissed it again before parting her lips to suck on Beca's pulse point. Beca thrust her face toward the sky and tried to conceal her moan but the shaky inhale only further highlighted the slip. Chloe bit softly at the skin before sealing her mouth over the spot and Beca's pressed her small form completely against Chloe's taller one, gripping one small hand to her hip and the other around her neck to will her closer.

And though it pained Chloe to pull back, she knew that if she didn't in that moment, she never would. She pressed her lips back to Beca's softly, one motion, before she drew back and waited for Beca to open her eyes. And when their eyes met, Chloe knew that Beca understood everything. Beca's eyes were brimming, the knowledge of the pain that she had caused was more than apparent. For a split second it looked like she was going to say something. She took a breath, her lips twitched, and she froze.

But then she took a step back. And then another. She was the wisp that strayed from the burning tip, holding onto Chloe's gaze wordlessly for another second before turning around and drifting away.

 **Tell me what you think, you guys. Best line, worst line, directions, whatever you like. xoxo**


	7. Grey Matter Aftermath

What she had done took several days to take in. It hit her on the Tuesday after the dorm prom. Beca was long gone, hundreds of miles away in the physical sense and exponentially farther away in terms of acquaintance. Unlike the weekend before, campus was quiet. The sky was heavy under the weight of its greyness, hanging threateningly close to the horizon. The world was recognizing its loneliness, without even an attempt to cover the drab tones and silence with color or activity.

It was the end of something, a death of sorts. Something within Chloe had broken, and she had the feeling it was something that could never be fixed. It wasn't a broken heart. No, that would be simple. That type of problem had easy solutions. Getting over someone by getting under someone else. Chocolate. Rom coms. No, this was a problem that those solutions could never even attempt to repair.

She felt like the last string holding her down had snapped. Usually strings were viewed negatively, tying people down, strings attached, marionettes or whatever. But Chloe needed strings to keep her tethered to the earth. She already felt like it was hard to hold on in her stressful life of work, school, social activities, and relationships. The strings that were keeping her grounded were taut under pressure. But they were necessary. They kept her from floating off into oblivion. She hadn't even known that Beca had become a string for her until it broke and no longer was. And now here she was, somewhere up in the air like a balloon that had strayed from it's toddler, a layer of innocence evaporated.

On a basic level, she wished that the confession would have elicited a greater reaction. Suppose Beca had treated her with disgust, or outrage. She would have yelled at Chloe and told her to go away. Then Chloe could hate her or at least see her as the bad guy. Then she'd be over it easily. Or suppose Beca had jumped at her, confessing the same feelings, pouring forth some hidden emotions and begging for a shared future. Then she have the one she wanted. And there would have been a happily ever after.

But as it was, the anti-climatic reaction that Beca had given her hurt worse. It was careless. It was a lukewarm response that held no definition. It was tinted with rejection that wasn't bold enough to shock Chloe back to sanity. Beca had brushed off the biggest confession that Chloe had ever made (and she had made a ton in her life, so that was really saying something) and treated it like a small talk discussion of the weather.

So now she was floating in the gray purgatory of irrational feelings without a way to regain the traction of gravity.

It's not as if Chloe could tell anyone what was wrong. Her friends of course, noticed how hard she drank the night of the dorm prom. They had no idea why Chloe was slamming back Smirnoff like it was water, or why she was behaving erratically that night.

That night had clearly not ended well. The typical group of Stacie, Chloe, Fat Amy, Emily, Ashley, and Jessica decided to cut the prom and go to the after party early. They stopped by Cynthia Rose's apartment to fill flasks to share, and Beca pretended that nothing monumental had happened within the hour. But the older woman was the champion of the "none the wiser" game and decided to use her competitive spirit to ice Beca out. Her normally warm personality was replaced with a razor edge and stonecut eyes daring the younger woman to cross the line.

Beca, being a dunce, didn't notice the change in demeanor. She kept trying to start conversations with the redhead that were of cut short with dismissive replies or ignored completely. She didn't know why Chloe couldn't just act like they were all good. They were still friends, right? It's all they had ever been, and all they would ever be. She didn't get why Chloe had ever hoped for anything more. They had only shared a kiss, not a bed, after all. She found Chloe in Cynthia Rose's room, the mini fridge door propped open as she fumbled to open a beer bottle.

"Here. I got it." She tried to brush the older woman's long fingers off, but was surprised when they strangled the sweaty neck of the bottle.

"No."

"Yes. I told you I'd get it."

"No. I can do it."

"Dude. I can do it for you."

"I don't care. I'll figure it out myself."

"What is there to figure out? It's just a damn beer."

"It's not just a damn beer, it's mine. So stop trying to get involved in it."

By this point, the girls were both tugging the bottle back and forth between them, like children wresting for a toy. Their arms were tangled, all angles, all of them pushing for a better hold. They bumped into the wall, and then Chloe's back was against the desk. She surged forward with aggression, pushing the bottle forward before jerking it back as fast as she could in an attempt to throw Beca off. The smaller girl anticipated the move and tightened her hold, remaining where she was.

And in a split second the impact of Chloe's statement about the bottle dawned on her. Chloe could see it in her eyes. She hadn't meant to let Beca see her chink in the armor but for once the other girl read between the lines. Beca stopped moving, still gripping the bottle but the fight had left her. Her mouth dropped open slightly and Chloe glanced down to her lips before shooting back to her eyes. She had to maintain the icy facade. It was hard with such a tantalizing mouth before her. And then Beca's midnight blue eyes flooded her vision. They were easy to fall into, the second you looked at them you just wanted to memorize every nanometer of them. They were the closest they had ever been to Chloe in that instant, the tips of their noses brushing against one another. It all happened so fast. Her eyes darted back and forth between Beca's and it only took a split second before she saw Beca's next action, Beca's unforgettable action. Her eyes still open, she saw Beca's slip shut as she closed the remaining distance between their faces, angling for her mouth before she indeed felt the contact of lips connecting on her own.

It would have been easy to take the forbidden fruit. But Chloe did something she thought she would never do. She let it last only half a second- if it would have been any longer, she would have succumbed and her resolve melted. As searingly painful as it was, she let her face fall as she broke the kiss and opened her eyes to see Beca's Toms shoes between her own flats. She took a step back. Meeting Beca's confused blue eyes was hard. Perplexion was written all over her complexion. Chloe said nothing. She knew the pain on her own face was apparent and obvious for even the most dense person to see, even Beca. The moment lasted what seemed like an eternity, Beca searching for a reason why Chloe would want to break the kiss when she had just admitted in the previous hour of her crush. Who in their right mind would do that?

Chloe stepped wordlessly away, finally cracking open the bottle on her own using just her bare hands, tipping it toward the ceiling to pour the contents down her throat as she tried to soothe the lump that was forming there. Her feet carried her out of the room and out of sight, Beca left behind. This time she was the one who got to drift away.

And now, as Chloe walked down the deserted main stretch of campus this Tuesday afternoon, she still couldn't regret breaking off the kiss that Beca had tried to initiate. She didn't know if Beca was acting out of pity, or with the sinking ship notion, or an "oh shit here's my last-ditch attempt at saving whatever we had," but it wasn't enough for Chloe.

Just like it wasn't enough when they had all gotten back to the dorm at two am, and Chloe decided to finally smoke the cigar that Anton had given her months before. She invited Fat Amy to smoke it ahead of time, who passed her off to Beca. Chloe vehemently opposed Fat Amy's suggestion to take Beca out with her, even though she was the only true smoker of the group. But Chloe was no match for Fat Amy's stature as she pushed past her to pound on Stacie's door, who opened it looking annoyed until Beca's head perked up in the background.

"Amy, what? It's two in the fucking morning, and we just saw you ten minutes ago. What could you possibly want right now?"

"Red here is going for a smoke. A real smoke. She's got a cigar and she's looking for a partner."

Chloe looked at her feet, choosing not to deny the entendre but not willing to confirm it.

"I don't even have pants on," Beca said from behind the door.

"Then put some damn pants on," Chloe said, before softening. "I'll never see you again anyway. so…" she mumbled. If this really was the last time that she ever saw Beca, she couldn't end on a bad note like this, she had to be civil. Just in case.

"I will see you again, actually," Beca said, suddenly at the door.

"No, you probably won't. This is the last time. It's goodbye."

For the third unforgettable time that night, Beca initiated a shocking display of physical contact. She launched herself at Chloe in only her camisole pajama top and thong, her arms tight around the other girl's neck as she squeezed into a tight embrace.

"I promise, this isn't goodbye."

Chloe hugged herself as the stone bench sapped her warmth. She couldn't even force herself to wish that she had never met Beca. She leaned back, her face parallel to the sky but finding no answers up there. She knew that Beca changed her life forever. Chloe didn't love the girl, it wasn't a matter of life and death or love and hate. It was a grey area, a frustrating fucking grey area that made her entire life feel complicated. For the last three days, it was all she could think about. It was more than distracting, detracting from productivity in every single aspect of her life. She believed that productivity produced not just good work, but your best self as well. Thus she hated wasting time, and she hated herself if she wasn't productive. But the last few days, nothing seemed to matter. She woke up and felt no motivation, the stresses of life seemed pointless. The girl found herself scraping by with minimum functions until she could put her headphones in to listen to the same comforting songs. She needed to get lost in something. It was a dangerous feeling to be untethered.

It was painful. It was raw. It was confusing. But it was something that Chloe had to bounce back from before she started to see real consequences. And she knew that if she had any hope of bouncing back, it'd mean confiding in someone about it. She knew just who to go to.

 **So this one's a little shorter. Expect five or so more chapters, I'm trying to get this done before I go back to college. Reviews are welcome thanks guys! :)**


	8. The Talk

**Is it just me or is the world on fire with the wonderful news that Bechloe won the Best Chemistry award at the Teen Choice Awards last night?! If you haven't already, go check out Anna Kendrick, Brittany Snow, and Elizabeth Banks' Twitter accounts BECAUSE THEY WILL GIVE YOU LIFE about the hope for the PP3 Bechloe canon! Can't help but feel that we actually may have gotten a result with our crazy shipping!**

She stood in front of Baker Hall's room 231, her hand curled in a fist in midair, not able to close the distance between her knuckles and the door to knock. Her heart had hammered in her chest the entire walk from her room to Stacie's, her legs unreliable and feeling like jelly. But now here she was, knocking on the door of the unpredictable future.

"Come in," Stacie called out from within the room.

Chloe gripped the cool metal in her sweaty hand with more strength than was required and pushed the door open.

"Oh hey, Chloe. What's up?" Stacie was sitting at her desk painting her nails.

Chloe looked to Kimmy Jin's side of the room, making sure the sulky girl was absent. She slipped in and shut the door behind her, locking it, reluctantly letting the knob go as if it were an anchor.

"Hey. Uh, I sort of have something that I have to talk to you about." Something about Chloe's tone made the other girl look up, concern passing over her face.

"Okay. Talk to me."

Chloe let out a shaky sigh. "Okay. Um, it's about last weekend. Some stuff happened."

"Go on."

"Some pretty big stuff already. Do you know what I'm talking about?"

A smirk itched at Stacie's lips. "I think so."

"Okay, let's not play coy here. I need to know that we're on the same page before I go on." She sighed in exasperation.

The pause seemed infinite. Her anxiety was through the roof, any semblance of the usual confident Chloe was nowhere to be found. The tension was palpable in the room.

"Does this have anything to do with Beca?" Stacie spoke with caution, her eyes narrowed.

"Yes."

"Perhaps how you… Kissed her?"

"You mean how she kissed me. But yes."

"Whatever. You certainly weren't complaining."

"Well, it happened the first weekend she came too."

"Oh shit, I forgot about that. And how that guy announced it on the porch in front of everyone. I wanted to ask you about it that night, but when we got back we had to take care of Beca and her throwup."

"Right. We made out again on the way home too, it was weird. She started it both times though, it wasn't me. And the same thing happened this weekend again. Like I knew it would."

"But there's more to it than that, yes?"

"Correct again."

"Do tell."

Another sigh. "Okay. So like, you know how you kiss someone and it means nothing?"

"Do you even _know_ who you're talking to?"

"Okay, okay. Duh. Sorry. But like, when you kiss someone the feeling is gone by the next day. Except for when it doesn't go away."

"In other words, catching feelings for someone. This is pretty simple, Chloe."

"But it's not fucking simple when the other person is someone in your own gender. Someone you can't have feelings for."

Stacie frowned. "Okay, so you like her. She told me that already anyway."

"Ah. Fuck." Chloe stared at her hands, exhaling until her lungs felt like they would implode with lack of oxygen. She couldn't bring herself to look at Stacie under the weight of overwhelming shame.

"I should never have told her. I told her out there during the prom. I couldn't hold it in any longer. She's like, all I'd been thinking about since she first visited here. I couldn't get her off of my mind. And when I invited you to Anton's, I desperately wished that you'd take her with us. You don't know how excited I was when I learned that she would indeed be with us. And...when we were out there smoking, I told her how beautiful she looked that night, after the play. It broke my heart when she didn't believe me, Stacie. So… I told her that I liked her. I know that things got so fucked up with my little confession, but I was powerless to stop it. I shouldn't have done it, I-"

"Hey. Hey now. Breathe, Chloe, you're getting really worked up." Chloe looked up to Stacie who had a surprisingly compassionate look in her eyes. The ginger twisted her hands together anxiously. There was fear welling up inside, and she was on the verge of a panic attack.

"But it's so hard to say out loud."

"I know. Beca said that you told her that, too."

Her eyes shot up. "Tell me exactly what she said."

"Again, breathe. Beca said everything that you described."

"How did she act? What was she looking like? Was there anyone else around when she said this? What was her tone like?"

"Down doggie. She said it pretty casually, actually. She wasn't freaked out by it. There was no one else around, it was after you at Fat Amy came by after the night ended."

"Oh. Well that makes me feel a little less… Panicked. Did she say anything to you during the actual prom?"

"Yeah, actually. But it was before you guys went out to smoke."

"Stacie, stop drawing it out. Fucking tell me."

"I don't know how you're going to take it."

"I don't know how I'm going to take it either, until you tell me."

"Well, she mentioned that you were interesting. To be more specific, she said you were more special than anyone she's ever talked to. She used limited words as always, trying to keep up that damn badass persona of hers, but she sounded… Different. I don't know."

So when the girls had mysteriously disappeared in the middle of the dance, they _had_ been up to something.

"But she didn't say she liked me or anything, right?"

"Chloe… You know that Beca is straight, right?"

"Yes. We talked about it that night. Don't worry, I know. It just didn't make a difference when I… fell for her."

"Okay. Well just as long as you know that."

"I wasn't even trying to get anything out of her. I just had to let her know how I felt. It's not like I asked her out or something, I wasn't even trying to get a physical response. It seemed like my heart would explode if I didn't say tell her."

Chloe exhaled like it was painful, a grimace on her face. "You know, I've never liked a girl before. Jeez, it's hard to even say it like that. 'I like a girl.' What the hell." Stacie said nothing, sensing that the other girl had to purge her soul. "Ever since high school people have always thought I was gay. I always laughed it off, I was comfortable in my own sexuality. Which was straight. Of course it was straight, I was always confident in who I was. I didn't know why people so frequently thought I was anything less than straight, it was confusing. But I just knew I was attracted to boys. After all, I've only ever _been_ with boys." She blushed a little at the last line. "Up until now."

Stacie opened her mouth to speak but was quickly cut off. "Have people thought that I've been lying all this time? Because I wasn't. I really was straight. Am? Am straight." She spread her fingers in a stressed manner and locked her arms, shaking them in her growing anxiety. "What if I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy? Is that what this is? I've been surrounded by people over the years who have had random inklings about me and now I'm proving them right? How is that fair to myself?"

"Whoa there girl, whoaaa. You don't have to get all freaked out like this, okay? There's plenty of people out there who feel just like this-"

"Like _this._ Fuck. 'Like this.' I'm something different now, aren't I Stace?"

"Chloe, stop. Not like that. Just let me talk for a second. You know, we're in college. This happens to a lot of people in college. They experiment. They screw around. But some people find themselves through it by accident. Experimentation is healthy, and it kinda seems like you stumbled into that. Beca had no idea what would happen when she kissed you, and even you didn't know how you would react. She doesn't think ahead a lot of the time, and she never picks up on other people's feelings. But I can see that you're getting really worked up about this, and I want you to know that these feelings are okay."

"Stacie, how can it be okay when I am pulling the rug out from under _myself_?

"Dude, we're young. We have a lot to learn."

She groaned in frustration. "No, it's not fair. I feel like I've betrayed myself. How can I just now be discovering something this big about myself? I'm a freaking adult for gosh sakes! This is the type of shit that I should have figured out in high school! I have way too many other things to worry about as it is!"

"Chloe, this isn't something that you have to worry about. It's just something that you have to let happen. I'm getting the sense that you really don't want to feel this way."

"Oh gee, how'd you pick up on that?" She shot back sarcastically.

"You know, you don't have to feel bad about liking Beca."

For the millionth time in the conversation, Chloe sighed. Her shoulders stayed slumped even when she inhaled again. "But I do. It feels so wrong for me to like a girl. It's rude to have crushes on your friends, it feels like you're faking the friendship part just so that you can get them attracted to you. But it feels a million times worse when that friend is a girl who had no idea what was coming. "

"In all fairness, she did kiss you in multiple instances. It was like playing with fire."

"Now's not the time for ginger jokes."

"Double entendre. Sorry. Go on."

"I don't know, Stace. I can't even bring myself to say it."

"...Gay?"

Chloe ground her teeth with the word. It was a word that had never been applicable to her. She had plenty of gay friends over the years, sure, had been around the lifestyle but never had it been adopted as her own. She got along with gay people as much as she did straight people, it didn't affect her ability to befriend or work with them. But the label seemed so much bigger when it was something that could be slapped onto her.

"You know, it's not a crime to be gay."

"I know, I know, it's just-"

"Hear me out, Chlo. You can't help who you like. Or love. Whatever the depth of your feelings are. Attraction doesn't know a name, or a face. It knows bodies, it knows souls. It's about hearts and minds, and gender comes way down the road after that. I can't stand when people shut the door based on gender. They're missing out on wonderful people because they can't see past the category of man or woman. Think about it. You were attracted to Beca before you knew it. You weren't attracted to Beca because she was a girl. It's like that a lot of the time with boys, am I right? I mean, I know I always look at a guy and decide if I want to hook up with him, sometimes even before I talk to him. But that's a dangerous game. When it comes down to it, Chloe, you were attracted to Beca for who she was as a person, not who she was as a woman. This isn't something you have to be scared about. It's your own heart."

Unshed tears swam in Chloe's vision. "I know. It's just… I'm scared for myself. It's all so new, and now I don't know who I am anymore."

"Come here. You need a hug, girl." Stacie rose from her desk and pulled the other woman up from where she was leaning against the bedpost. She absorbed Chloe before squeezing strength into her body.

"What am I going to do, Stace?"

"That's up to you. But ultimately… Don't hate yourself because of this. My older brother is gay, and he came out publicly last year. He hid it for years once he discovered it, hated himself for a long time too. He's gone through some tough times with it, but he made it out alright. And Chloe, for the record, you might not even be gay. This could just be some wacky transition period in your life or something, you don't need to jump to conclusions, okay?"

Chloe straightened to look up into Stacie's eyes. "Okay. I think the best person to talk about this with would be Anton. He'd be pretty perfect, actually. But can you promise me, with all of your heart, that you won't say a word about this to anyone?"

"Yes, Chloe. I would never break your trust like that. This is your business, and it's extremely personal. You don't have to tell anyone about this if you don't want to. But I'm glad you chose me to confide in. It means a lot." She squeezed Chloe's arm reassuringly.

"Thank you so much, Stace. For being here and all. I'm going to go call Anton."

An hour later, she was sitting at the desk in her dorm. Aubrey was studying at the library like usual, and the whole floor was quieter than normal. She looked around the place, the room that looked so happy on it's own. Her floral comforter, her bright and inspirational pictures and posters on the wall, it seemed inappropriate now. She didn't feel like the happy person that those things belonged to. It felt fake. Chloe leaned close to the many printed pictures on the wall, studying her smile and carefree look in each photo. That didn't feel like her now. Was it too far to say that was a different Chloe, that that version of Chloe was dead?

Just then her phone buzzed on the desk, startling her so badly that her face almost met the wall. She didn't want to answer to anyone right now, and she had decided to call Anton tomorrow. But curiosity got the better of her. She went to the phone and found two messages there, the most recent from Stacie saying that her door was always open if she needed to talk about it again. However, that wasn't the message that caught her attention, it was the one that preceded that.

From Beca Mitchell.

The time stamp showed that it must have been sent when Chloe was walking back to her room, thus she didn't feel the vibration in her pocket. She opened the message.

 _Hey dude. Sorry I left this weekend without saying goodbye. It would be pointless anyway because I'll be back._

Chloe frowned in frustration. She's right, saying goodbye at two am in your underwear while at least one of the pair was intoxicated, it doesn't really count. She expected to see Beca on Sunday, even just in the dining hall, but she hadn't. It was as if she were a ghost that vaporized. There one minute, gone the next. But now the ghost was tapping on the window, making it's presence known.

 _It's fine. Sorry I tried to wake you up, just wanted to say bye because I know I won't see you again._

The type bubbles sprouted up instantly.

 _No I really will be back. I know there's only a month left in school but I need to see you again._

Chloe hated the way her heart raced and replied impulsively.

 _Why would you do that? You're hundreds of miles away, and you already know I like you. It's all out there already._

Her phone buzzed instantly.

 _Not all of it's out there._

What was she supposed to say to that? It was vague, challenging….. But the alarm bells went off in her brain. Was she eluding to feelings? Or was it a jab at Chloe's newfound life in the closet?

 _When will you be back?_

She hated how small she sounded, like she needed the other girl. But she did. And she needed a way to count the days until Beca would be back or it would kill her.

 _Not sure. I'll aim for two weeks from now. But you should be ready any time_

Aggravating. Simply aggravating.

 _Okay. I'll hold you to it, Becs._

Her phone vibrated one last time for the night.

 _xx._


	9. Tumultuous Waters

Chloe caught a glimpse of her colorless reflection. Well, that was inaccurate. Her hair still looked like a flaming pyre. But besides that, her complexion was pale. She felt just as grayscaled as she looked, and the look emanated from her eyes. She stepped closer to the mirror so that she could see only her face. Closer again so that the reflection of her own eyes filled her vision. The woman looked at the detail of each of her eyeballs, trying to see what someone else would see, like an artist scrutinizing a subject before translating them onto canvas. The eyelids, lashes, whites, irises, and finally to her pupils that were dilated widely in the light of dawn. She bounced back and forth between each one, too close to study both eyes at the same time. She zoomed back out so as to see the color of her eyes again. Chloe knew she had particularly compassionate eyes, and the paradoxical mix of hurt and numbness was obvious there. Who could look into her eyes and still want to hurt the soul behind them?

She was getting three to five hours of sleep each night. At best. Despite feeling exhausted for the entirety of each day, every time she laid down her mind raced. It was relentless. She only had three cravings: Sleep, Beca, and wanting to fix whatever didn't work inside of her. She wanted to cry all the time, but the tears never came. They held themselves back, a cruel reminder of the painful in between-ness. The whole time, Aubrey laid across the room in bed, no idea of the battle that was taking place within the same room as her.

Chloe wished to have the same worries that Aubrey did. It was funny really, she wished to acquire the hectic and grueling lifestyle of the over-achiever who was probably developing ulcers with every trial bar exam that she studied for. Aubrey was the go-getter, the never-stopper, the over-the-top workaholic who made everyone else feel like they were better off giving up. But Chloe envied the simplicity of her worries. Grades, exams, impressing professors, volunteering, getting into law school. Sure, it was a boatload of pressure (she still wasn't sure how the girl managed it) but she wished that was all she had to worry about.

She felt like her secret made her an abomination. The only other two people who knew the extent of it were Stacie and the origin Beca herself. Chloe wished she could take it back, their knowledge, but in a way it hurt less knowing that two other people were informed of her secret. They couldn't bear her pain, but Stacie's sympathy and understanding made her feel a degree better. It was kind of like needing a heart transplant but only being offered a bandaid. It was something… but it wasn't anywhere near a solution.

She was doing a lot of thinking lately. About herself, about God. Chloe had never even considered the possibility of interest in women before this year. In high school, she had really close friends who were girls, but not girlfriends. They were normal friends, not ones that she even remotely wanted to have sex with. Besides, there was plenty of guys to choose from, so why play for her own team? Chloe loved the rugged guys, the athletes, the tough ones. The whole "manly man" type really attracted her, the downright opposite of girls. And living in the dorms in college, she had seen some girls do crazy shit. Shit that made girls look wild, disgusting, slutty, all the bad things. But none of it changed how she thought about girls. Hell, she was one. She knew how it went, and none of the things the other ladies in the dorm did made her feel anything different. But she saw all the wonderful things they did too, the bonding, the supporting, the caring, and those things didn't change it either.

So what the fuck happened to change that?

She couldn't explain why she wanted Beca to be more than a friend to her. She had wracked her brain, introspective hour after hour for a reason. Beca had unwittingly unlocked some secret passageway inside Chloe, one that she never knew existed. It was tough to handle and even tougher to explain. It would be an inaccurate statement to say that Chloe wasn't interested in men anymore. She still checked them out, thought about who the cutest boy was, who would be fun to hook up with. But… Over the last week, a girl would occasionally slip in the mix. She'd find herself staring at a chick's ass in the dining hall before she realized what she was doing, or melted by a beautiful girl's face, or enthralled by a lady laugh. She'd catch herself daydreaming of kissing them, picturing futures in an instance, ones under the stars or in a cozy cabin together. Things that she used to only imagine doing with the Prince Charming type. But now she was looking… at princesses too? It was unnervingly confusing.

She began to find herself secretly captivated with gay celebrities and their stories, characters in shows or movies who displayed gay chemistry and subtext, feeling tiny rays of satisfaction at their success or bravery. She was fascinated in how other girls had strayed off the "straight and narrow" and found happiness. It was all worlds away, but it was the closest she could get.

And it all changed because of Beca. Chloe had no idea that bumping into someone in a hallway would be the fodder that started a weird transitory tryst-like relationship with that same someone. It felt insane. Unfair. Unbalanced. And it got a million times stronger once she mentioned it out loud. The feelings that she had for Beca were waters that ran deep. She wanted to care for Beca, show her that the world wasn't a completely awful place. She wanted to protect Beca. She wanted to be the one that Beca ran to, told her day to, looked for comfort to. She wanted to be the one that Beca wanted back, curled up in the safety of her arms, investing her body heat to. It simply ached how much Chloe wanted Beca Mitchell.

The depth of her feelings was terrifying. The newness of them was part of it, but her willingness to take a leap was overpowering. And once it was out there in the open, the feelings intensified so much more. How had she ever kept it her feelings… or status a secret? It was as if the only thing keeping the dam from bursting was her finger. Water seeped out with increasingly powerful force and it churned beyond the fissuring concrete barrier. The more she thought about it, the more water poured out. The more she forced herself to stop thinking, the louder the water roared. It was an impossible impasse that was going to crush Chloe if it didn't wear her down through sleep exhaustion and lack of appetite.

A few days post-talk with Stacie, Chloe summoned the courage and collected her thoughts a bit more to contact Anton. She emailed him and he thankfully decided to come to campus to meet her. She strategically chose a bench on the hill overlooking campus near the river, in order to be out of earshot of any reasonable passerby. Walking with him, her legs shook in the exact fashion that they had on the way to Stacie's. He made small talk, easing her nerves a bit. He had a calming effect even when he was talking about simple things. They reached the bench and watched the sun set in silence a few minutes.

"So, Miss Beale, I'm assuming that you asked to meet with me for a reason. As wonderful as the view is from this bench, I get the feeling that there's something on your mind."

Her view remained steady to the hazey horizon. He didn't push her to speak, as he looked out over the land that led to the city. He could hear her deliberately deep-breathing.

"Okay. There's something that's been going on lately."

She breathed in again, out.

"It's something that I have no idea how to explain. But it's become quite the mess. It's something I edged on talking about before with you… actually."

In, out. In.

"It's a place you're familiar with. You're an unofficial expert, I guess you could say. But this topic… It's really personal. Secret."

With her last line, Anton knew.

"So. How long has this 'secret' lasted?"

"Well, only a few weeks. I swear it was never anything before a few weeks ago. It's new."

"Okay… And this secret? Who do you share it with?"

"Well, with one person. And I guess there's another who has been directly informed of it in addition to you. That's because it's really personal."

"I see. And how does this secret make you feel?"

"It makes me feel everything at once. I… I feel so strongly. It hurts. But I feel panic too. Fear. Like I'm committing a terrible wrongness. But I feel like I'm drowning. Trapped by keeping it a secret. I- I feel different from everyone now."

"Did you act on any of these feelings?"

She blushed just thinking of it. "Yes. I wish I could say I didn't. But yes. Verbally and physically."

"And?"

"I should have left it alone. But I slipped into the impulsive undertow of the feelings. I not only confessed my feelings, but I acted on them too. The response was kind of surprising though."

"Who is she?"

Chloe gulped. A direct address to her heart. "Do you remember the girls I brought to your house?"

"Ah. The Amazon or the little pixie?"

"The… Little pixie. Beca."

"That one had a fire in her eyes, I could see it. She's wily, that one."

She chuckled but her smile slid into a grimace. "Don't I know it. Excuse me for the crude term but for lack of a better alternative, we've made out on several occasions. She initiated all but once."

"Did it ever exceed that stage?"

"No. Not at all. I'm nowhere ready to go that distance. Even if I wanted to, I don't think she'd let me. She said that she was straight."

"Well, anyone can say anything. But that doesn't mean it's the honest truth."

"True. I said I was straight. Look what happened there."

"Were all of these encounters sober?"

"Umm, not quite. Actually I don't believe any of them were. But sober or not, those events were still ones that I wanted to occur."

"Hmm. I see. And Beca is the only woman that you've ever… experimented with?"

"Yes."

"Well, if I were looking at this in an objective sense, I wouldn't say that you're gay. I'm also not saying that my diagnosis is fact, of course. I would venture to say that this could be a limited phase of experimentation, bicuriosity if you will. This may just be a point in your life where you are bored with men and particularly fascinated with women. It happens a lot with college girls, as you probably know. It could also be that you've reached a point of openness with the human spirit that you're choosing not to distinguish your romantic feelings either."

She breathed a sigh of somewhat-relief. If anyone knew what was going on, it'd be Anton. She knew he was the right person to go to.

"My biggest fear is that this is more than just a blip on the gaydar."

"Ah, yes. There's another aspect I want you to give attention to. Sexuality is fluid. It's kind of like body weight. It fluctuates up and down, according to lifestyle, activities, health. The same goes for sexuality. You're not just one hundred percent hetero your whole life, or one hundred percent homo. Obviously there's an in-between, and that in-between can change a whole lot over time. For the first nineteen years you happened to be straight, and there was nothing that truly piqued your interest to move in the opposite direction. This could be a one-time deal, sure, you could go back to feeling just as straight as you were before. But then again, you could be exploring a whole new part of yourself that are at the opposite end of the spectrum. But it doesn't need to be measured or labeled, because you're still Chloe Beale just the same."

"But… Now everything's been changed. Everything I thought I knew, it's like it's all shook up. I'm completely rearranged and I'm only just beginning to realize the parts I've misplaced."

"I can see that you're quite new to the game, and how your face lit up when I chalked it up to bicuriosity. But don't feel doomed."

"How, Anton? How can I not feel doomed when I pulled the rug out from under myself, betrayed who I thought I was?"

"You're not betraying yourself, Chloe. You're finding yourself."

"But I don't know if I want to find myself if myself is like this. You know, I've hated myself lately. I really have. I can't believe that I did this. I feel so embarrassed, so wrong. I'm ashamed at even the thought of anyone finding out about this. And…" her breath hitched. "I've been thinking a lot about God a lot. I feel like I'm running from Him. I'm scared that He hates me now."

"Chloe. God doesn't hate you."

"But Anton how do you know? I've always loved Him, and now I feel like I outcasted myself. The second that I didn't push away the thought of liking Beca… and then I admitted it to myself…. then I told her… and now I really think that I am something altogether. I just don't see how God could love me when this feels so much like sin."

He turned to her. "Then I've been sinning all my life."

"I know…No, I mean. Um. Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just… have always said my prayers. Read the Bible. Gone to Mass most of the time. And now instead of wanting to find a man like God intended my body to, I just feel like I'm turning my back on everything. But that's not what I'm trying to do. The things inside me are at war. I want to be good, I've tried to force myself into the normalcy of my 'before' life. God knows, though. He knows what I'm thinking, but I don't know if He knows how much it hurts."

He faced her, placing a platonic hand on her knee and gently lifted a hand to her chin so their eyes met.

"Chloe, listen to me dear. I've been gay for 49 years. When I was young, around your age actually, I hated myself. Not for days, or months at a time. But years. I pretended to be straight until I was in my twenties. My mindset was that if I prayed hard enough, I'd be straight. It's what my birthday wishes, shooting stars, and four leaf clovers went to as well. And if I couldn't make myself straight, the plan was to stay alone. If I had homosexual thoughts, my only comfort was that they were thoughts and not actions. It was all in my head. But when I was 23 I had my first relationship with another man. I hated myself more for loving him. Because in the years preceding that, I condemned myself to a the solitude of singleness," Anton said, a far away look in his unfocused eyes. "So I threw myself into art, to express all the things to a canvas rather than to a person. While I was learning the art of sculpting, we met in Italy. It was all supernaturally poetic: falling in love in a foreign country, connecting heart and hands, unity through art, blah blah. I really should have written a screenplay for it, I probably would have gotten rich come to think of it. But I'll spare you all the gory details, except to tell you that when I ran my hands over the contours of his body for the first time, I knew that clay couldn't cut it anymore. And ever since then, it's been so hard not to wonder if I was really meant to be this way."

Chloe exhaled slowly, still absorbing everything Anton had just taken her through. She didn't even realize she had tear tracks until the breeze blew across her face.

"I think you were meant to be that way. I don't know if everyone is meant to, who feels the same feelings, but I think you were. I don't think I've ever said it before, but you're truly among the most amazing human beings I've ever had the privilege to know. You're wonderful, talented, and inspiring. You were at least meant to be in my life."

"Thank you Ms. Beale. I hate to see you struggle like this. It breaks my heart that you feel you can't embrace whatever you're feeling wholeheartedly. But just know that you're not alone. God is still watching over you, I'm nearby whenever you need someone to confide in, and I'm sure you have a wonderful network of friends to support you. Just don't let anything dim that vivacity of yours."

They rose from the bench, and he placed a kiss on her forehead, a gesture that truly touched her in its humanity. They departed, and Chloe walked down to the bridge by the river. There wasn't a soul in sight on the trail or near the law school. She strode to the middle of the iron infrastructure, the water surging no more than a dozen feet below her own. Chloe gripped the metal rail and eased down onto the wooden deck, hanging her legs between the bars and over the rushing river below her. She shut her eyes, absorbing the power in the sound of the moving water. It sounded just as blue as it looked, and the cool metal under her hands was the only thing keeping her from getting lost in the sound. She thought over the tumultuous last few days, the conversations she had with Stacie and Anton, and what it all meant going forward. She could literally feel her body relaxing with the new hope that maybe she wasn't gay after all. It was completely possible that she was just over-thinking it all, adopting one too many traits of Aubrey's neurotic personality and applying it here. Perhaps this all really was just a one-time thing like Anton said it could be. After all, Chloe could definitely get over Beca, in spite of how many doubts and issues had arisen in the woman's wake.

Either way, Chloe felt freer than she had in weeks, light enough to join the clouds in floating to the horizon if she wanted to. It was beautiful.

 **Hey guys. So this story defs has a few more chapters in it, despite how final this chapter may have ended. Sorry it got a little heavy there, but I think this is something out there that many can relate to, message me if you want. I wanted to take a distressed angle on it since I don't see that a lot here. I don't know. Hope I didn't freak anyone out. Thanks for sticking with me, friends. xo**


	10. Keys

The night before the last day of the school year. And boy was it a doozy. Three finals to study for. There were also two papers and a project due, and somehow she was supposed to be all packed up and ready to move out of the dorm tomorrow. Or today, since it was now 1:03 am. She drank three cups of tea at work in addition to two coffees and was in the process of consuming an energy drink.

Chloe was fucked, needless to say.

And it really didn't help that her new iPhone 6 kept going off.

The phone was brand new because she bought it just hours before in between cramming for finals. Poor timing. This was due to a few days prior when her old phone, curse it's lifeless form, slipped out of her shirt pocket and clattered to its death on the sidewalk. The screen shattered and left her no choice but to get a new one. Unfortunately, that meant losing all of her contacts, content, and connections. So of course, when you give a mouse a cookie you must not only buy it a phone case, but ask all of the social media friends for their numbers since they're all gone.

Now she was being interrupted every five minutes with Snapchats and texts with phone numbers.

One caught her interest in particular due to its vagueness and level of excitement.

 _CHLO_

 _Who is this? :)_

 _Beca. :)_

The smile dropped off her face as she reread the name over and over making sure her mind wasn't playing tricks on her. Nope, the name was indeed Beca's.

 _Ah, I wouldn't have guessed… It's good to finally be team iPhone even if it meant losing all my contacts_

 _Why wouldn't you have guessed?_

 _Only because we don't talk to each other very often._ It sounded pointed, but Chloe didn't really care. It had been three weeks since Beca's visit, and she didn't come back like she promised.

As if reading Chloe's mind, Beca's next reply came.

 _I'm sorry I haven't texted you in a while. I was super busy with high school graduation shit. I didn't even have time for Stace. I'm sorry I didn't come back before the end of the year._

The sincerity of Beca's text incited a spark of guilt within the older woman, so she eased up.

 _Ah, graduation must feel good right? And don't worry. I've been busy with finals. I wish you could have come one last time, I thought about you recently. I'd love to visit you in the fall at your college though, if Stace is cool with it._

 _You'll for sure have to see me in the fall. Why wouldn't Stacie be cool with it? Who cares what she thinks?_

 _Tbh, I told her everything that happened. It got pretty real._

The reply was instantaneous.

 _I'm sorry. There's something wrong, and it feels like you aren't getting anywhere?_

 _Yeah. Kind of like that._

 _I kind of feel like that sometimes too._

 _You know, I'm sorry for telling you all that a few weeks ago. I never would have if I wasn't drunk, or if there was no physical prelude to it. But I've forced myself to stop liking you for a number of reasons, and I just want you to know that I want to be friends regardless, okay?_

 _Of course I want to be friends as well. Why did you force yourself to stop liking me?_

 _Contrary to your assumed belief, I have a lot of self-control. I decided that it wasn't worth it to like you anymore… So almost all the feelings are gone._

 _You don't think it's worth it to like me? Jeez. Sorry I made you feel that way?_

 _It wasn't even you. It's just… Difficult to switch from straight to not straight, and I am not prepared to deal with everything that situation entails. Besides, I never see you. I don't even know you that well. It's not practical._

Chloe reread her messages. It sounded like she was being icy, but it was all honest. She didn't want Beca to think that any friendship they had was based on Chloe's deeper feelings. If she forced herself to stop having them, they could be normal friends, right?

 _You could have talked to me about it, if you wanted. I'm here for you, as long as you want me to be…_

What the fuck was that supposed to mean? It was almost impossible not to read into. Chloe decided to take a gamble with the next text, wanting to make her point across.

 _I didn't think it was best to discuss it to you. Besides, I had Anton and Stacie. Just know I'm good now, and that I'm all "straightened" out now. Once I move back home for the summer, it'll be so relaxing. And I'm probs getting back together with my old boyfriend!_

The reply was undeniable delayed longer than her previous replies.

 _I'm so happy for you!_

It sounded scripted.

 _Thanks, and for the record, I have your back too_

 _Hahahaha. Thanks. I wish you could have my back at graduation._

 _Why's that?_

 _I'm not walking. I'm graduating, but since I don't have a partner, I'm not walking. I have no friends._

 _I'm a loyal friend, I would have walked with you._

 _Thanks dude._

An hour and a half had somehow passed and they were still texting. Chloe's flashcards for religion were still on the table, her Mac monitor still glaring back at her with the incomplete philosophy paper on it.

 _Well, these finals are going to kill me tomorrow. Today. It was great talking to you. Goodnight, Beca!_

 _Good night… Text me when you're all home and settled in next week or whatever and we'll talk more. xo._

How… Unexpected. The whole conversation came out of nowhere, but it was distracting as heck. Chloe had been completely honest with Beca. Almost all of her feelings for the girl were gone- she no longer let herself give in to them. It did nothing. Replaying the memories, or the conversations, fantasizing about her. It was counterproductive. Besides, all of the work that there was to catch up on was a fantastic distraction for mentally distancing herself from the small-framed girl. In the following weeks she grew to dedicate herself to work again, just like she always had "before." Her life started to feel good again.

It seemed Beca was just a bump in the road.

But here she was, on the eve of the end of the year, and Beca had come back (albeit digitally) and now it was hard to stop her brain from rolling over the girl's words. She reread the whole conversation, revealing in the quick timestamps, the way Beca's name looked across the display, the surprising care that was in the content of them. It was dangerous. She felt so conflicted, but what would giving in do?

It would get her to feel more pain, that's what. There was already a certain level of pain when she forced herself to stop liking Beca. Like a smoker going cold-turkey. It was agonizing, to the denial of such strong feelings. But she was already past the worst of it, how could she let herself relapse now? It was so much more than just having a crush. It was complicated, because it meant the possible changing of her identity. And she had already decided that she didn't want her identity to change. But it felt like a war inside of herself, and she had no idea whose side to take.

Needless to say, it was quite the distraction during finals.

It was 4:30 am by the time Chloe crept out of the office, crippled under the knowledge that she would have to be up in three hours to test. The birds were already waking up. Their chirping happily mocked her all the way until she collapsed her weary bones in bed.

"" "" "" "" "" ""

Somehow, ten hours later, the finals were over. The year was over. It was like stomping on a beach ball to get the last puffs of oxygen out so that it could be packed away. It was ironic, because the school year was ending, so it was now officially summer. She walked back down the main stretch of campus with Stacie and Cynthia Rose after communications class and the world felt different, closed in a way.

The year had been great, the best of Chloe's life. It had surpassed her expectations and took her to places that she never knew she would go, and a lot of doors had opened up in the process. She loved it all and knew that these memories would last a lifetime. That was saying a lot, because even though there was significant turmoil and a scattering of unfortunate incidents, she had made it. She had grown, come a long way, experienced a plethora of new things. Sure, she couldn't make heads or tails of some of them, and she was still figuring out others, but somehow everything had turned out okay.

But now it was time to divorce herself from the college lifestyle and head back to her hometown 250 miles away for the next three and a half months. It was quite the distance from her friends, her job, and farther from Beca. There was only a tiny part of her that wanted to go home, and that was the sleep-deprived part of herself complaining. The rest of her wanted to stay here and make sure the school year was infinite. Once she left, the year would be history. It almost felt like being banished to another planet against her will. Chloe was reluctant to leave the wonderful world of Barden. The place was one giant silver lining.

But it didn't stop any of her friends from moving out of the dorms, her parents bringing the truck to pack, or herself from rolling away from the curb while looking out the back window. It was sad to give up the key to her room, give a last goodbye to the view out her window, and to her hallmates. She cried when Aubrey left, even though they would be roommates again next year. It was silly, but everything felt so final.

Chloe was quite the sentimentalist. The ginger strongly believed in proper goodbyes, thanking her friends for the wonderful memories and companionship, and making sure to stay in touch as well. Each goodbye got harder and harder as her floor got more and more empty. The doors closed, never to be opened again by her friends, the atmosphere quieter. These voices would never fill the space here again, it would be next year's class, a new batch who didn't know any of the residents who dwelled there in the year prior. It was a concept that had an oddly dismal hue to it when she thought about it. When she said bye to her own bed she reflected on its company. She mentally thanked it for being a place to fold clothes, have an occasional hookup, lend itself to her exhausted body. For something that she had spent so many hours in, it looked quite impersonal stripped down. After saying goodbye to her bed (which said nothing back, of course) the keys were off her lanyard and in the box with the rest of the dorms. The keys were all reunited after a year of being in pockets, backpacks, wallets, probably a few of them had been fished out of toilets, gutters, or coffee cups. But like her, they had all made it through and back where they were supposed to be in this cardboard box. They missed their locks, but they were all back together. A realization dawned on her, looking at these little shaped pieces of metal.

Chloe was the lock, and Beca was her key.

 **This chapter was a little shorter, but don't forget that it's following an outline! It was supposed to turn out happier though I suppose. The next two chapters will have more action.**


	11. Keep on Texting On

**Hey all! Sorry it's been longer than normal since my last update. Life is chaos, but I'm still here. Much love!**

Summer was bittersweet to say the least. At first it was fabulous. It was head-clearing, stress-relieving, fun-loving summer. Chloe enjoyed a trip to the beach, caught up with old friends from high school, and finally had enough time to get more than four hours of sleep per night. Having the time to stretch out on the back deck and read books for leisure rather than for class assignments was its own kind of beauty.

But it was all bittersweet. She had too much time to herself, and transitioning from the hustle and bustle of the school year to the grand nothingness of summer was hard. Chloe had too much time in her head to think about what really mattered, rather than the preoccupations of scheduling and studying. The relaxation was nice, but the redhead wanted to go back to school after a week. That's where all the activity was, her friends, her life. Her hometown no longer felt like home, her heart was at home on campus now.

It gave her ample time to think about Beca. She followed through with texting Beca when she was settled in from the move. She was surprised at the duration of the conversation, which lasted over four hours and was filled with messages due to Beca's fast replies. The first hour was catching up and small talk but as the day turned to night, the depth of the conversation grew.

 _So you must be excited to start college in the fall, do you know what you're going to be majoring in? :)_ Chloe asked.

 _Music. Definitely. Looking at a minor in engineering for it as well._

 _Wow, engineering, like the sound kind?_

 _Yup. And you're public relations?_

 _You betcha! :)_

 _Wow. You'll probably meet a lot of people through that. Me, on the other hand, I'll probably be forever alone._

 _Are you kidding, Beca?! People like you get off the market fast. Someone will probably wife you up before you get your degree!_

 _Haha 'people like me?'_

 _Yeah, people like you._

 _And what type am I?_

Chloe took a breath. Should she say what was on her mind, or brush it off? Always one for honesty, she decided with the former.

 _You're marketable and you know it! People like you. The beautiful, smart, unique people of the world._

 _I don't know why you always say things like that to me. I'm really not that great of a person, Chlo. I'm average-looking, I'm usually unhappy, and I don't have many friends._

A crack formed in Chloe's heart.

 _I don't know why you don't see how amazing you are. I wish you could see you as I do. You'd never say that again._

 _Well, I suppose a couple people see me like that. I just got a new boyfriend._

Chloe's heart dropped. A frown casted over her face as jealousy washed over her.

 _Oh. Nice. You deserve a good boyfriend. I hope he treats you right._

 _Yeah, I've put up with some shit in my life, so this feels good. Don't worry, you'll find a greater happiness in your life soon too._

 _I hope so. I don't want to be forever alone either._

 _Whatever you're going through is only temporary. Before you know it, you'll be back at Barden living it up and meeting guys left and right._

 _I guess so. Alsooo kinda getting wine drunk!_

 _Oh. Is that the only reason you're being nice to me? :/_

 _Nooo! I'm always nice to you._

When she wasn't fucking with Chloe's head, that is.

 _I'd kill for some wine right now. Although I have to admit, I only see your niceness as temporary._

 _Why? What are you talking about?_

 _People move on easily. They take advantage of me through my kindness because they know I won't change. They get what they want from me and leave._

 _I promise I won't leave. I promise I'll always be here._

 _That means a lot, but how can it possibly be true? You're about to go to college and meet a multitude of people. Friends, roommates, classmates, you'll never have time for me. I can't even get excited you said that because I know what will happen._

 _That's never gonna happen, I'll always talk to you. You're important to me. You're a great listening ear and I won't forget that you've helped me through a tough time in my life. I'll never be able to thank you for that._

How ironic of Beca to say that, when she caused one of the most difficult times of the redhead's life.

 _I hope so, Beca, because you're important to me too. There's just something about you that makes me trust you._

 _You can. I wish we could drink together again!_

 _I wish so too. Sadly, I have no excuse to visit you all the way in Columbus._

 _Aw. I'd love it if you came here though._

 _Wait! Isn't Stacie throwing a huge Fourth of July party next month?_

 _Yes! Has she talked to you about it?_

 _Yeah! What if I somehow made it over there for a few days?_

 _No way! I'd love that!_

 _Omg I have to hit her up about it rn._

 _I can't live without you! You have to come now._

 _Aww, haha. I'll try._

Beca didn't reply for twenty minutes, abruptly. Chloe kept checking her phone for messages to see if she missed her text, but finally a text from Beca came.

 _I honestly miss you so much._

Unexpected and straightforward, and exactly what Chloe was thinking.

 _Why? There's still texting and snapchat._

 _That's not the same._

 _True. You could be on the other side of the moon for all I know._

"" "" "" "" "" ""

One week, two Skype calls, and an insane amount of planning later, Chloe surveyed her suitcase on her bed with her hands on her hips. She was positively glowing. Tomorrow she would take a train to the city before roadtripping with Emily the rest of the way to Stacie's mansion, where they would be spending the Fourth of July weekend.

She needed to get away from her summer job, boring social life, and the drag of summer. What better way to do that then to travel and party like All-American style? She kept telling herself this was the only reason, but the excitement to see Beca kept bubbling up. The girl was all she could think about again, it somehow happened. Within the last week, Beca's presence was known. Whether it was to text her, or interact with her social media, or even just to be the first person to view her Snap stories (which was the frequent case), it made Chloe's mind hard to wander to anyone else. For some reason, Beca kept expressing how much she missed the other girl, and Chloe was desperately trying to figure out if it was more than platonic. She was torn with wanting to throw herself at Beca and wanting to take her, or avoid her like the plague.

Either way, as she zipped up her suitcase, it felt like she was sealing the deal. Tomorrow she would see Beca Mitchell.


	12. Saturday, In The Park

**It may be 2 a.m., but I just couldn't wait to post an update any longer. Don't ask me how I fit this into my schedule, but I would hate for you guys to lose hope with the story. In the original outline there was supposed to be 12 chapters, but I think there might be two more past this. Thanks for hanging with me, drop a review! xo**

Chloe was on her way to crossing the state. It was a hot summer's day, breaching triple digit temperatures. Muggy, stifling, and sticky, but it would be impossible to bring her mood down. She embraced Emily the second she stepped out of her navy blue Subaru, squeezing the air out of her lungs with love. It was the first time she had seen the girl since Barden let out for the year, and simply Skyping and texting her didn't suffice. They were great friends, and it was fabulous to be back in each other's company. Chloe felt a rush when Siri told them that the number of miles until Stacie's house which they had routed into the GPS.

They caught up, talking about everything from the mundane to the real-deal shit. Emily was shocked to find out that Chloe was in a relationship with Tom again. The fact didn't seem all that mentionable to Chloe, but she supposed it was on the outside.

Less than 48 hours after leaving Barden for the summer, Chloe knew that her loneliness would consume her. It was May, and she wasn't due back to Barden until September. This led her to a place she didn't expect to end up at. Tom's house. It was just a mile and a half from her own. They met freshman year of high school. At first she hated him. She was put off by his cocky, self-righteous attitude and the two got into frequent arguments. They soon made better acquaintance and she discovered that they had a few things in common, once she overlooked his negative traits. He was quite the athlete, on the football and track teams, and was an absolute math whiz. It didn't help that he was handsome either. She never gave a thought to liking him in a non-platonic way until junior year when she suddenly developed stronger feelings. Everyone at school always teased them about a secret relationship. This always made the pair blush and look away from one another like second graders. They weren't hiding a relationship, they were both hiding feelings for each other that the other didn't know about.

Senior year he asked her to homecoming, and she agreed. They started dating and finally became official. The whole senior class seemed to pitch in their two cents about how they knew it all along, and how best friends are always the best couples, and how they had shipped Chlom all along. Prom came and went and soon graduation. While he was a math whiz and an athlete, it was Chloe who was valedictorian. They sat together, turned their tassels together, and threw their gaps together. And that was that.

Well, not quite. They still had the whole summer before college. Tom and Chloe were going to separate colleges and knew the breakup was inevitable, there was no way that they could commit to long distance relationships. Who wanted that freshman year of college? It was like going to school with a seatbelt on. When Tom said he wanted to date all the way up until they left, Chloe hid her hesitation to agree. She wanted her last free summer to be free in all senses of the word- which meant free from a boyfriend as well. This was hidden from him, of course.

At Tom's graduation party, his affluent parents gave him a Ford 150 truck. He instantly put the object before Chloe. It was another straw on the camel's back. Later that night, all the kids got drunk on moonshine that he provided. Chloe didn't mind drinking, but she hated when Tom was intoxicated. He always got too handsy and didn't have boundaries. His kissing and antics only increased in their lack of skill and stupidity. It was the last straw on the pile.

That night, she decided that she would break up with him when the weekend was up. He was hurt and he almost cried, but she powered through. He asked her repeatedly why she would blindside him, that it was dirty to break up with him like that after promising him a whole summer. She never promised him anything, so she didn't regret it. It was refreshing to ride solo. Chloe Beale was never known to be heartless. But maybe it wouldn't be so bad if that's what it felt like.

After a month or so they resumed hanging out as friends as if they had never dated. They left for college with no fights, and on the last day of summer when they said their goodbyes, the Cup song came over his truck radio. It was a sign. They remained in contact during the year with no problems.

So that brought them up to now. When she came back for the summer, she knew she couldn't bear to be alone. Chloe missed Barden and her friends far too much, and a boyfriend could potentially fill that void. He was better at first, taking her on dates and willingly cuddling even without the promise of sex. He was company, living breathing humanity, and it was nice to pass time with him. But he was a placeholder, and the bitter voice in the back of Chloe's mind wouldn't let herself forget it.

To be completely honest, she still missed Beca. She couldn't stop her selfish mind from comparing how drastically different the two were. He wasn't an adequate replacement. It got to the point where she found herself imagining Beca when she was engaging with Tom. It made her tremendously guilty, but not enough to stop.

So that was why she happily ejected Tom's invitation to the cabin for the Fourth of July weekend. He excitedly told her they could shoot guns and get drunk (he really knew how to get girls...). She casually mentioned she already had plans for Stacie's with Emily(and at least one day with Beca). He pouted, immediately jealous, claiming he was entitled to the holiday with her. She gave no fucks. Nothing would stop her from reuniting with her Barden friends and true romantic interest.

A smile crept onto her face as she turned it out the window, her ginger locks whipping up in the air current. This was what freedom felt like. She cranked up the radio and Emily and Chloe sang along to "Rollercoasters" as it blared. They looked at each other and shared the look of youth. The sun was setting across the hot terrain and it felt like they belonged on the Geogian highway. It was gorgeous. They were Thelma and Louise, minus the murder.

Before she knew it, it was eleven p.m. and they were pulling off the exit proclaiming Columbus. Butterflies fluttered within the redhead's stomach, excited to be landing in a new place. They parked in front of Stacie's mansion minutes later, and the leggy brunette burst out of the doorway screaming, despite the hour. Stacie was the only person who hugged with more vivacity than Chloe. She pulled away with a bruised rib cage for sure.

They dropped off their bags in the guestroom and Stacie's mom fixed them Moscow Mules. She definitely had it going on. It was 1:30 a.m. by the time the girls caught up in all the necessary ways, exhausted after a day of travel but ecstatic to all be reunited.

"" "" "" "" ""

The day before the Fourth was fabulous. They shopped, ate at an amazing restaurant, had frozen yogurt at a quaint little shop for dessert, and enjoyed the town. They threw a party that night, quite the rager that went until 3:30 a.m.

But it was nothing compared to the perfection of the next day. Emily and Chloe woke up in the guestroom together, the door opened quietly by Stacie.

"Hey friends. Time to wake up," she said softly, a gentle smile matching her tone. "I made us breakfast this morning. Unfortunately there are a few people left from last night who crashed on the couches and whatnot, but it'll be okay." They were reintroduced to Benji, who was one of Stacie's oldest high school friends.

The girls shuffled to the kitchen where Stacie had prepared scrambled eggs, orange juice, and thick pancakes.

"Awe, Stace, this is so sweet of you!" Emily said, eyeing the feast before them.

"Oh, this is nothing. My mom always used to do this for us on the Fourth of July. Her and dad are in Florida right now, so I figured I'd keep the tradition alive. You are staying at Hotel Conrad, after all," she winked.

"You're the biggest sweetheart," Chloe said, pressing a chaste kiss onto her cheek. "Do you mind if we eat outside?"

The group headed outside to the upper deck patio. The balcony was on the third story of the house which allowed them to overlook the city.

"So I was thinking, we were invited to go over to my old high school friend's house for a family-and-friends pool party. Would you guys want to head over there after we get some iced coffees?"

The girls plus Benji happily approved and after they finished eating slipped their bikinis on under their clothes. Chloe wore an American flag tank top with matching earrings and blue chinos with summer sandals. Emily wore denim cutoffs and a flowy tanktop with big sunglasses. They didn't know Stacie's friend but their attitudes were prime for meeting new people. The day was already in the high nineties by the time they stripped themselves of their outer clothes and dipped into the sparkling blue waters. The barbeque wafted over the pool in true American spirit as the adults drank Coronas and lounged in the deck chairs. The girls knew better than to go for the beer, and they opted for making up swimming pool games with the little siblings. Chloe was great with kids and they all took fondly to her. By the time they had to leave, all the little kids were begging Chloe to stay and give them one more ride or round of pool tag.

Eventually, they had to leave. Full of potato salad, burgers, and Coke, they drove with the sunroof down and air dried from swimming. They ended up shopping again and ambled into a tent selling fireworks.

"Oh my gosh. Lilly would be in heaven here."

"Tell me about it. The whole world would go up in flames."

They laughed. "Wow. They really should do background checks in places like this… Good thing she's not here!"

The girls ended up with several boxes of sparklers, opting for a Tumblr-style photo shoot rather than the honky tonk M80s.

Stacie suggested going to the river.

"But we were just swimming?" Emily posed it as a half-question.

"I know. But it's where the whole city goes today! It's a tradition. You guys down?"

"I'm down if you guys are! It sounds fun."

"You guys won't be disappointed. It's super fun on the river. Everyone brings towels, dogs, grills, jet skis and their 'Murican pride. Everyone agrees to not go to work and spends time with family and friends instead."

"I love it already! What are we waiting for?" Chloe exclaimed, bouncing in her seat.

Benji's eyes sparkled. "Consider us already on our way!"

The river was wide and deep. It Chloe hadn't known better, she'd have thought it to be a lake. They spent hours tanning lazily, enjoying the comfortable silence within the group as the other shore sounds drifted in. Chloe took pictures of the water and the all-American children shrieking and running, oblivious to any troubles of the world. When they talked, they pondered their existence and where they were meant to be in life.

"Honestly, you guys? I think I'm meant to be right here," Emily said, giving each of their hands a squeeze.

"Awe, you're such a softie."

"No, it's true. I mean, I know I'm a bit younger than you guys, but I love you. Even you, Benji, and I just met you." 

Benji turned fifty shades of scarlet.

"I agree. This is where we're meant to be in this moment. In each other's company, living in the present with no qualms or demands to attend to."

Chloe's mind drifted to Beca. She agreed that she was meant to be here… But Beca was too. It wasn't fair that the girl wouldn't be back in Columbus until tomorrow, their last night. The timing of her family vacation was awful. Chloe looked at the empty space on their blanket longingly, willing the girl to appear there.

"Something wrong, Chlo?" Emily asked innocently.

"Oh no. I just… I agree too. I am beyond happy to be sharing this time with you guys. I love you. You're my true friends and this is a perfect day that I'll cherish in my memory for a long time to come."

"I think this is the best Fourth of July I've ever had," Stacie said.

"I think this is the best summer day I've ever had," Benji said, blushing again when his eyes met Emily's.

"You guys are all so soft!"

"Nah, we're tough as nails. That's why we deserve some Sno Cones."

"This round's on me!" Chloe jumped up, dragging Em to the shaved ice tent.

"Are you sure you're alright, Chlo?"

"Yeah…" She cast a sideway glance at her friend, trying to mask her suspicion. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. You just seem…" she trailed off, not quite able to put a finger on it.

"Oh. Don't worry about that. Tom just texted me saying he missed me," she said, halfway lying. He had sent her that text… eight hours ago. But what Emily didn't know couldn't hurt her.

Chloe truly was enjoying herself. She was being honest when she agreed with Benji that it was perhaps one of the best summer days she ever experienced, and it wasn't even close to over yet. Of course it could have been better if Beca had been there, but then again, the day could have been better if she won the lottery, or visited the moon, or acquired a pet unicorn too.

"Oh. Well that makes sense then I guess. Just try to forget about him then! You'll be home on Monday. Just be present." She licked the Blue Hawaii cone as they headed back.

 _You mean "her,"_ her bitter thoughts reprehended. She would see the girl tomorrow after all. It was nothing compared to the months wondering if she'd ever see Beca again. The butterflies would just have to be kept at bay a little bit longer.

Two hours later and the sun was setting over patriotic America. Benji just finished cooking the burgers (shirtless of course, in true American fashion) and Stacie had thrown together all the fixings. Emily and Chloe worked together on the fruit salad. They had all gone to the grocery store, pooling money and buying organic ingredients to make barbecued food from scratch. They felt like a family. They were sufficient but far more functional than a real family.

They were back on the patio overlooking the land as the sun turned red and waved goodbye to the patriotic celebrations that it had horizon looked to be positively on fire as it welcomed the descent. It was still warm, and the group basked in their contentedness before Stacie started a slow clap on her own, jerking their attention to her.

"Well done, team. Now it's time for fun."

"Fun? What more could we possibly do?"

"SPARKLERS YAY!" Emily screamed.

"Calm down, it's not time for that yet! It's time for a surprise!"

"What more could you possibly have in store for us, dude?" Chloe chuckled.

At that moment, the door swung open, and a grinning Beca Mitchell stepped into the light.


	13. Burn Like the Fourth of July

Chloe wasn't aware that she had risen out of her chair until she was already standing. Her mouth dropped open. Beca wasn't supposed to be here until tomorrow.

She snapped out of it when Emily shouldered past her to hug Beca. Smother her would be the more accurate adjective actually, as Emily picked Beca up off the ground to twirl her around. Stacie watched with a loving grin on her face. Benji stood to give the small girl a one-armed hug as well, and then Beca's eyes connected with Chloe's. She arched an eyebrow as if to ask "what are you waiting for?" until Chloe closed the distance between their bodies. She sunk into the familiar softness of Beca's minimal frame, circling her arms around her shoulders and stepping further into the girl for maximum contact. After a couple seconds Beca squeezed Chloe closer with her lower arm, which was around her waist. There was an element of need to it that Chloe begrudgingly had to overlook as she broke the embrace. They were still standing on the patio in front of the others.

Beca didn't move from her place, but looked up to the blue eyes that had wanted to see her so badly for months. Chloe couldn't hide the warm smile engulfing her face. She probably looked like a fool, but that was no incentive to stop smiling.

"I thought you weren't coming until tomorrow?"

"That was the plan. But after the fireworks ended, my mom said she'd had enough of camping, since we'd already slept four nights in the woods. She didn't want another mosquito-bitten night in a sleeping bag, but I guess I don't blame her," Beca chuckled. "But I'm much happier to be here instead." She punctuated the last sentence with another look at Chloe.

"We were just about to do sparklers!" Emily shouted, leaning forward as if waiting for Beca to respond with the same enthusiasm.

"How about I get us a round of beers and then we light up the night?"

"I'm more than down for that," Benji said, glancing over at Emily. Emily chattered on to Stacie about her eternal excitement with the Fourth of July and sparklers, oblivious to the longing eyes that were on her.

"Let me help you carry them back out," Chloe said, following Beca inside.

The house was silent on the inside, neither girl knowing what to say first. It wasn't as if there wasn't enough to talk about, rather it was because there were far too many things to talk about. How do you begin to fill in two and a half months?

"I'm really glad I get to see you again," Chloe murmured, the first to break the silence. Beca held her gaze for a moment before speaking, maintaining eye contact.

"You don't know how glad I am to see you again."

"Probably not as glad as me, but that's alright."

The smaller girl smirked, reaching into the fridge for a six pack of Coors. "I don't know about that. I just know I missed you a lot."

"Awe, Becs."

She was being pulled into a hug again before she even registered that Beca was the one to initiate it. This time the small hands were on either side of her waist, she could see the girl's eyes closing as she rested her head on Chloe's shoulder. It was gentle, and it was warm. She melted into the touch, her eyes closed.

Her eyes flew open after ten seconds, however, as the ice cold cans made contact with her bare leg and a jolt ran through her body. Cold as the Rockies, indeed. Beca looked to the counterpart of her hug in confusion for the startling movement. She looked at the cans in her hand as if it were a foreign object that she had never seen before.

"It feels good to touch you again."

"I know. You too. But hey… We should probably get back outside now."

"Ugh. Yes. Let's catch up though."

The pair headed back outside, where it was now fully dark. The stars were out and so were a couple boxes of sparklers and a lighter. Emily was bouncing in her seat like a child on their birthday. Benji offered to light hers and she happily obliged, "oohing" as the tip caught fire and began spraying sparks over the glass table. She squealed and waved the little stick around as if she were a fairy with a magic wand. It was almost as much fun to watch her as it was to do it themselves.

They each took turns for half an hour, conversing and sipping and enjoying the night. It was warm and all their own, no adults, no rules, no need to feel limited in any capacity. There was no semblance of stress in the world, it seemed. Chloe realized that she still wanted to take photos. Her camera was inside. She was twisting the doorknob when Beca asked where she was going.

"Oh, I need my camera. This is a prime opportunity to shoot."

"Let me help you."

"O...kay? I don't really need help, but alrighty."

They headed downstairs to the guest room, Chloe leading. She suddenly felt a tug on her wrist when they got to the bottom step. As she was turning, Beca's hand swung to her other arm so that they were now completely facing each other. The instant the action was completed, Beca's body was against her own. Their steps were in tandem until Chloe's back was against the door. The brunette stood on her tiptoes, looking from Chloe's eyes to her mouth. The older girl was so surprised at the speed of the situation that Beca caught her off-guard again by closing the distance between their mouths. Beca's hands were on the door on either side of Chloe's head, but her body was flush against hers. She pressed into the kiss in all senses of the word, tilting her head for a better angle. Chloe opened her mouth reflexively to deepen the kiss and Beca moaned lightly into it. The sound really got to the redhead, who snaked an arm around Beca's waist to bring her even closer. Her pinky came in contact with the exposed skin of Beca's back in between her crop top and leggings.

It was tantalizing. Their tongues continued to dance together like partners who had been training for years together. She was pretty sure their tongues could win Dancing With the Stars if they tried, even Mario Lopez would be proud of them. Unfortunately, the thought made her lips curl into a smile and she laughed slightly into Beca's mouth.

"Mmm… Why are you laughing Chlo," Beca inquired, tilting her head the other way and not seeming all too interested in the answer to her question.

"Nothing, don't worry about it. Just focus," Chloe replied, moving one hand to palm Beca's shoulder so that she could flip her against the door. Beca's arms circled the other girl's neck. Chloe moved her line of fire to Beca's jaw, stretching back to nibble her ear before moving in the supple hollow just below it, and onward down her neck. She reveled in the needy sound Beca responded with. She connected their mouths again for only a few seconds before Beca decided to return the favor. Chloe couldn't suppress the moan that left her lips as the small girl pressed her lips deep into the skin and muscle of her neck. She placed a light kiss there to offset the pressure before sucking on her pulsepoint. Chloe's head tipped back to the ceiling in pleasure. Beca licked the skin and sent a shiver through the redhead before kissing her lips again.

"What did we come down here for?"

"I don't know. My… camera? I think?"

"Oh right. Well I came down here for this." She kissed her hard again.

"Suspicious… Timing. We have to get it and go back," Chloe replied between kisses.

"Okay." She bit Chloe's bottom lip before pulling away. Chloe's head was positively spinning with surprise, lust, and scrambled thoughts.

The group didn't notice their absence, or at least they didn't comment on their return. Good thing, too, because Beca's hair was slightly out of place and Chloe certainly wore the blush of the kissing encounter. They had taken the initiative to open a bottle of wine while the girls had been inside. It was quite the jovial scene. Neighbors were occasionally lighting off their own fireworks. The group was taking Snapchats of each other with the sparklers.

Chloe was getting great shots with her camera. She was shooting long-exposure which meant that each photo was taking at least five seconds, so that the sparks were caught in detail in the frames. It was some real Tumblr shit.

She loved the glow on Beca's face behind the sparkler. It was both light and inner happiness shining on her face. She lowered the lens so that she could take a mental picture with just her eyes and no glass between herself and her subject. Their eyes remained connected until the flimsy little sparkler fizzled out. The light between them was physically gone, but it stayed within their powerful gaze as they generated it within themselves. Chloe would never forget the sparks flew tonight, not for as long as she lived.

 **It's short, but the next one will be longer. Gotta let you guys know that I'm still here, right? Please don't be disappointed.**


	14. One Last Look

**This is the final chapter, guys. Read slowly, because this is it.**

Chloe stirred from where she had dozed off on the deck. It was a warm night, still 70 degrees outside and not quite cold enough to bother her. She swung her vision from side to side, seeing the deck was empty. Well, not quite.

Another form, a small one, was in the patio chair across from hers, facing the horizon. Beca was slumped so that her chin was resting on her shoulder region, her hair curtaining a portion of her face. Chloe stared at the sleeping girl, in awe. She looked so peaceful, so gentle. She was the image of love. She was sure that when she had seen the light on Beca's face from the sparklers that there was no better more beautiful sight. But now, now she knew that this was what beauty was in its truest form.

There was only a yellow light above the back door with a few moths puttering around it. But still her hand crept forward until it closed around the strap of her camera, pulling its metal body across the tablecloth with a whisper. She clicked it on and quietly focused Beca in the viewfinder. A mental picture of such emotion and love just couldn't do. She needed to capture this sight in her mind and make sure she never forgot what it felt like.

There was never anyone that she had loved more than in this moment, there had never been anyone else. It had always been her. Chloe had loved Beca from the moment that she made her acquaintance. She wasted so much time trying to figure it out, then deny it, then hide it, force herself out of it, distract herself from Beca. But it had always been her. And the way that Beca looked in her gorgeous out-of-conscious state, it was finally clear. Chloe was emerging from a haze and it was finally all clear.

She pressed her index finger down to snap the photo and was shaken to hear the shutter fire. The mini blast made Beca's eyes snap open and she blinked, her eyes focusing on the blushing ginger behind the lens.

"Chlo? Were… You taking a picture of me while I was sleeping?" Beca slurred her words with sleep, her eyes squinting.

"Oh… Well… Yes."

"Why?" Beca reminded Chloe of a child just then, one who should be slung over a parent's shoulder and tucked into bed.

Chloe decided to change the subject. She couldn't tell her the real reason because she knew that Beca didn't like her back. Sure there was that kiss earlier tonight, but it could have easily been explained by the beer. Or Beca was just sexually deprived. Or she was just trying to mess with her. There were so many reasons why she couldn't get her hopes up about that. It hurt to supress the true feelings she had, especially in the midst of such an overpowering realization, but it was one she had to keep under wraps.

Chloe simply couldn't bear to be rejected by the person she had spent the last few months dreaming about. She couldn't take another night like the one of the dorm prom.

"Why are you still out her?"

"Oh. " Beca looked sheepish. "Well.. You fell asleep. And I saw you, and I couldn't wake you. I just couldn't bear to wake you up like that. So I stayed out here even when everyone else went inside to bed. And I guess I wanted to make sure you were okay. But I dozed off, too."

"Aww, Becs. That's so sweet. Thanks a lot, really."

"So. Why did you take a photo of me?"

It was Chloe's turn to look sheepish. "Well… You looked gorgeous, asleep like that. I've never seen anything like it."

"Uhh, I don't understand." 

"You just looked so… peaceful. Lovely. Gentle. Like I can see your heart and it's as beautiful as your face. You had no walls up, and you were yourself. It was breathtaking."

"Let me see."

"Oh, I don't know if it even turned out, I-"

But Beca was already out of her chair and had crossed the wooden deck, a hand on Chloe's camera by the time she realized the girl was forcibly taking the camera. Her face dropped, however, and the slight aggressive dissolved into the night air as she studied the image.

"What, I mean, I don't know if the photo is really worthy of you looking at it, I mean, it probably didn't turn out, it looked like you moved before-"

"Chloe, stop," Beca said, an intense look crossing over her face. "This… Well. I expected myself to look ugly. I don't turn out well in pictures. But I think I understand how you feel when you look at me now."

"Really?"

"Yes really. It's the way that I look at you."

"Wait what?" Chloe spluttered, so surprised that she sat reflexively forward.

"Don't look so surprised, Beale. Are you serious when you think that I didn't absolutely adore you?"

"How could I have possibly known that? You give such mixed signals."

"What about you? You're in a relationship, according to your Snapchats."

"I- Oh. Tom. Right."

"Ah."

"Beca… Tom is just a distraction."

'"A distraction from what?"

"A distraction from the consuming love that I feel for you."

It was Beca's turn to be speechless. They looked into each other's eyes. Chloe was never more glad to be looking into those bottomless eyes, for the shining navy to bathe her in their light. Except now it looked they were burning.

"You love me?"

Chloe's breath caught. There was no going back once you said something as condemning as that, she thought. She had always thought that crossing the threshold of love was the biggest danger you could ever take. It never stopped her from loving life, or friends, or those around her. But this was different. This didn't feel like danger. Her heart had told her something just now that she had never known before.

"I love you. I do."

"That's great,Chloe. Because I love you too."

When the words finished forming on Beca's lips, she knew the girl had never said them before. Not like that.

"I've wanted you since the moment I met you. Do you know how hard it's been not having you?"

"I know, Chloe, I know how hard it's been. Because the whole time, I wanted you too."

The yellow light above the door buzzed it's tiny presence, the air feeling limitless around them. The world was theirs and only theirs.

"Every night since I've met you," Beca said, "You've been the last thought I had before I fall asleep. Your laugh. Your lips. Your eyes. Those wonderful, sparkling eyes of yours. Every night I want those eyes to look at me with the adoration that I've felt for you. And every night that they haven't been there, I lost a shred more of hope. And here I was tonight, on my last hope, thinking you were the one who got away. And I'm still terrified that you are the one who got away,"

"Beca. I'm not the one who got away. I'm right here. And you know what?" She waited for the other girl to lean forward indicating she didn't know the answer. "I'm yours to keep."

By this point they were standing in front of one another. Chloe reached out slowly, clasping Beca's hands in hers. Their palms fused warmth together, and both girls felt a shiver despite the warm air that supported their loving moment. They turned to the horizon, seeing the city lights and the orangish glow in the dark night, miles away. It was Chloe's only proof that she had not in fact, ascended out of the stratosphere and into the heavens. She had never felt such completeness as she did now. She decided to break the silence and tell Beca. Beca responded deeply.

"I've always wanted to hold this hand, you know, " Beca said, holding their intertwined hands up. "When I was five years old and I learned what love was, this is what I imagined. I may not have imagined a girl by my side, but I imagined this feeling. This completeness like you said. The sense of belonging, true belonging. The value of my presence, which should be overwhelmingly joyous. But right now, all I can think about is how much I love you and want you to feel the same."

The introspective nature of her dialogue struck Chloe. "When I first met you three months ago, that version of Beca never would have said that. She was broken. I was drawn to you because of that, our broken parts were drawn to each other. You were defeated, but for some reason, you tried one last time with me."

"I did. I tried as hard as I could to get you to like me. I needed someone out there to like me, and I didn't care who. You met me at such a desperate time. Loneliness was overcoming me. But you saved me from that. When I first heard your voice, I knew it was over. And even though the school year ended for you and we got to be hundreds of miles apart, I knew the loneliness wasn't the same, it was temporary. I couldn't be lonely, because I knew I never would be again if I got you. Because I knew you were the only person who could ever solve it again."

"Beca. That means a lot."

"Thanks."

"I was so intrigued by you, and I felt like I could trust you. All the way. I feel like that a hundred times more now. I feel safer with you than I have with anyone in my life."

"And I want you to feel like that with me for the rest of your life, Chloe. I don't intend on losing you."

"What about college?"

"I'm going to Barden."

Chloe gasped in a way that probably would have seemed dramatic to any onlooker but was her honest response.

"That's right, Beale. I'm coming soon to a classroom near you," she joked.

"We're going to the same school?"

"We are. No more distance."

Chloe's eyes widened and she embraced Beca so hard that she lifted the small girl off the ground, squeezing the rest of the breath out of her lungs. Beca wrapped one arm around her head and the other around her shoulders, and Chloe looked up and then back down as she let the other girl slide gently back onto her feet. They paused a moment before Beca inevitably drew her mouth to Chloe's. Gently, lovingly, and expressing the peace that she had looked like while she was sleeping. She kissed the other woman slowly, just as Chloe had that last night together at Barden in the spring. She was relaying every emotion that she didn't that night, all those emotions that had denied herself from feeling. All the reasons that she prevented herself from loving Chloe were no more. They were no more. And she was making up for the time lost, the hurt caused, and adding all the motions of love into it instead.

There was no texting until falling asleep tonight, no careful calculations of information to divulge, no wishing the space next to them was filled with the other. Tonight, tonight it was happening. It was real, the culmination of the daydreams coming to this.

Chloe was never more present in her life, snapping mental shot after shot of the woman who loved her. The way she looked up through her eyelashes at Chloe to make sure she was still there after the kiss, the way her hand looked as it guided them inside, and the last look of love on her face as Beca pulled the pair to the bed before Chloe finally shut her eyes and submerged into the tender joy of her lifelong dreams.

 **Well, that's all folks. Would you believe it when I told you that I intended on not having Bechloe endgame all along until the last couple of chapters? I just couldn't do that to you guys though. I realize that FanFiction might be your escape from the troubles of your life, and you need this to root for. I couldn't do it to you guys or drag out the story any longer. Thanks for bearing with me and for all the support each and every reader, reviewer, follower, and favoriter gave. Much love.**

 **-TrixAreForSquids.**


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